Ask The Readers: How can I be a good leader?

Dear Readers,

I’ve never been the kind of person to take charge or want to be the center of attention, but recently I feel like I’ve been counting myself out too much and found myself just kind of coasting? I want to be a better leader in my own life and out in the community but don’t know where to start…

How can I be a good leader?

– Up to the Challenge, Upper Marlboro

Dear Up To The Challenge,

Ask The Readers is your regular chance to grab the mic and give advice to other readers in our community. Each piece of advice we share comes from a different thoughtful reader. Keep an eye out for more juicy questions and answers!

You recently asked our community how to be a good leader, and I have to applaud you—being brave enough to set high expectations of ourselves and ask hard questions is a fantastic first step. Thousands of readers from across the country wrote in their responses to your question and shared that they have also struggled to gather the confidence to step up. As usual, they had great advice and insight to share about what it really takes to lead—that not every leader needs to be outspoken or hungry for the spotlight. In fact, great leaders are great listeners. By listening to your own heart and your community, getting outside of your comfort zone, and starting small, your leadership skills will only grow.

Great leaders are great listeners.

• “Leadership isn’t always about being the loudest in the room or naturally taking charge. In fact, some of the best leaders are thoughtful, reflective, and lead with quiet strength. Start by showing up fully in your own life. Set small, intentional goals that align with what matters to you. That might mean speaking up in a meeting, volunteering for a community project, or even just reaching out to someone who needs support. Leadership grows from action, not perfection.” 
• “Don’t underestimate the power of listening. Great leaders don’t have all the answers; they ask good questions, stay curious, and uplift others. If you focus on growing your confidence and acting with integrity, you’ll naturally find yourself leading in ways that feel authentic to you. You’re not behind, you’re beginning. And that’s brave.”
• “Being a good leader means serving well. Listen deeply. Encourage others. You don’t have to force influence; it flows naturally when your heart is in the right place and your actions match your values. Leadership doesn’t always look like a spotlight; sometimes, it looks like being the steady hand when others are shaken, or the quiet strength behind something meaningful. You’ve got this. Take the next right step, and let that build momentum.”

Step outside your comfort zone.

• “In my opinion, developing leadership skills begins with doing things that you’re uncomfortable doing (The grace lies in the work that you avoid). You need to be comfortable doing things that make you uncomfortable. And while you’re doing this, you will be setting an example for the others around you to do the same in their own lives. Doing things that make you uncomfortable and actively seeking to overcome challenges in your life will give you confidence and teach you skills that will be required of you in your leadership role.”
• “You need to step out of your comfort zone and start to be in charge of your life. Become involved in your community through volunteering. When you step up and show what you are capable of, you will feel better about yourself and gain confidence to be a leader in your community.”
• “First off, you’re not alone. A lot of people feel this way, especially those who are naturally humble or more comfortable behind the scenes. Leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room or having all the answers. It’s about being willing, present, and having integrity with what’s in front of you. Pay attention to where you tend to shrink back, and ask yourself why. Sometimes, we stay quiet not because we lack wisdom, but because we’re afraid to trust what’s already inside of us. Be brave and take the leap.”

Start small by helping in your local community.

• “To be a leader in your own life, sometimes we have to start small. If you have children, help out in the class. Volunteer for field trips. If you don’t, then try going to the local Senior Center and just offering to sit and read to them. Make a task list for what is important to you. The things that interest you in your community. Google them. Research the local office on how to get involved. Lead with your heart. All it takes is baby steps.”
• “My advice is…start small. Go to a local meeting. They are always looking for help, maybe you can lead a small group and work your way up from there. That is how I did it. I started at my kid’s school. I gave my opinion at a meeting, then went to another and brought snacks. Before I knew it, I was the PTA President of the school. You will find your niche…it is in you. Good luck.”
• “Start by going out into your community and helping people who are in need. Whether it be homeless people, children in need, or elderly people who need help. When you give, it makes you feel a lot better about yourself. And then think about what you want for your life and where you want to be in 5 years, and make it happen. Don’t let anybody tell you you can’t do something. Get out into your community and get to know people. You got this!”

The last piece of advice that hundreds of readers shared is: “Be someone who brings people together and builds bridges, instead of someone who creates division.” If you’re not sure how to gather people in your community together, check out advice from readers to a woman looking to start a women’s group in her neighborhood. 

There’s no need to count yourself out, Up to the Challenge. As one reader wrote in, “You don’t have to become someone else to lead, you just have to become more of who you already are.”

Love, 

Grace and the Readers