BONUS! How do I balance my business, my family, and my home?

Dear Grace,

I am struggling with work/life balance. I work from home and I always feel as if I am working. Don’t even get the drive home to decompress. I have a she-shed in the back of my house where I do hair, so people are always coming and going and my kids are so inconsiderate and always let the dogs out or come and ask me questions or to get them this and that. The house is awful when I walk back inside. Even though I’ve been on my feet for 8+ hours, I have to walk into a mess and clean, cook and do laundry and am expected to be nice and smile about it.

I try to be a good mom and wife and friend and daughter and do the right thing for all of them. But I must say I am growing tired of the constant stress. I work after I work and then I work some more. I feel more like a glorified maid than a part of a family. I don’t get any help from anyone. Just expectations. We have 4 dogs and 3 cats and I have 2 kids and 1 grandkid and a husband to boot. They all are very different and the kids are 10 years apart 26 and my grandson is 6. I’m 46 and just thought at this point I’d have some of my life back. It’s only gotten harder and I feel myself ready to run. Help me please, I’m exhausted.

– Losing it in Louisville

Hello again Losing it in Louisville,

Last month I answered your letter about the constant stress of keeping your household running while keeping your business thriving. You clearly are a super mom (and grandma!) but readers agree with me that you have far too much on your plate. 

Here is some advice from readers on how to get your too-long to-do list under control:

Get In A Routine

• “Make a set schedule that you stick to every week. If you don’t already have a day off, start there. Schedule two a week, whenever YOU want. And take them off. Work your 8 hours, letting your family know, that time you are at work and do not want to be interrupted. You’ll be in the house when you’re off work. Then get in the car when you leave the she-shed and go for a drive, go get a coffee or soft drink, then return home.”
• “I have had a WFH job for years. I used to work all the time too. I had to put boundaries for work and home life. I recommend working set hours only in your she-shed. No exceptions. If you’re starting at 9 am I suggest getting up and out the door at 7:30 so you can go to a coffee shop and spend time reading a self-help book, my favorite is called Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.”
• “Take 30 min after your last appointment and chill in the she-shed to unwind. Bring a bag out to your shed daily with a comfy pair of slippers or shoes and light a candle. You need that ‘me’ time!”

All Hands On Deck

• “Let your family know that everyone needs to do something around the house every day. Make a list or a chore chart so it’s clear. Create a food/meal schedule for the family and teach your kids how to use the crockpot so they can help with meals!!
• “Bribery! Works every time! Getting kids to step up and help around the house is hard, but if they get some kind of reward it makes it easier. Video game time is a big one in our house. Set up a chore chart with things that you need help with and each time someone does a chore, they can put their initials on the block that you reserve for that chore. At the end of the week you can count the initials and whoever has the most gets to choose dinner for the next night, have a friend over or choose the movie that night.”
• “Delegate, delegate, delegate. You have grown-ups who should be helping. Once you set up a system, make sure they stick to it. Lovingly refuse to do the jobs/chores they should be doing. Everyone has a job and needs to be responsible for their part”

Take Care of Yourself

• You need to take time out for yourself, even if it’s just 30 minutes. Schedule a lunch hour or alone time into your day. You do need some downtime otherwise you will burn out.”
• “BREATHE!!!!! You are letting all of this build up on you. You need to get a handle on your feelings. On your days off you need to have time to do things that actually feel good to you…go for coffee, read a book, crochet, sleep. Your mind will be clearer and you’ll feel like you are on top of the mess and have some control. But remember to start with breathing.”
• “I understand your anxiety and frustration. As women, we are programmed from the beginning to do exactly what you are doing. Time to lay down some serious rules. Every member of your household is able to help you. Everyone needs to pitch in and do whatever they can. This is not our grandmother’s day, it’s ours. And you can’t enjoy life with your family if you are exhausted and upset. Tell your family. And stick with the changes. Don’t pick up their slack. They will appreciate it later and you can relax a bit.”

Rushing from work to parenting, to cleaning and cooking, to being a business owner, to grandparenting, to pet parenting is exhausting. It makes sense that you feel like you are “losing it,” but you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed. Your family loves you and doesn’t want you to feel this way. It may take a few family meetings and some creative chore-chart crafting, but this community will be here for you every step of the way. 

Love,

Grace and the readers