BONUS! I work 7 days a week but still struggle with homelessness. How do I get out of this hole?

Dear Grace,

Why is it so easy to become homeless these days? I have been struggling with homelessness for 3 years now. I’m a single mother of three boys and the shelter where I could stay doesn’t allow boys over the age of 10, so we’ve been sleeping all together in my car. I feel like I am a horrible mother although they tell me every day I’m not. I work every day waitressing but still fall short and I’m starting to lose faith in ever being able to have my kids at home again. I know this problem is bigger than me…what’s your take?

– Hopeless in Henderson, Nevada

Hello again Hopeless in Henderson,

I responded to your note last month and I was heartened by the response from readers. We can all agree that in a country as rich as America, families should have a roof over their heads. But the reality is, right now many families are struggling to make ends meet each month.

At the end of my advice column for you, Hopeless, I asked the hundreds of thousands of women in our community this question:

Do you know what they said?

38% of respondents said they had been homeless before and 31% said they were nervous about becoming homeless now or in the future. That’s a lot of women who understand, on a very deep level, what you are going through. So I’d like to pass it to them, to offer some advice from folks who have been in your shoes:

Don’t Give Up

• “First to let you know you are one strong woman and a super mom!  Your story brought me to tears. My prayers are going up for you and your boys. I know that applying for help can feel demeaning and overwhelming…but you can DO it. As Grace said, being a waitress you are able to juggle a lot. (I used to be one too). Hold your boys close and know you will be on the other side of this situation very soon. There is help out there.”
• “Be strong. Don’t give up and yes—use all the resources that’s out there. Keep each other close. Keep your sense of humor going and always remember kids have opinions, let them have a say in it…maybe for the better. Know this is not your fault and you are a good mom. Stay safe, stay together.”
• “Don’t beat yourself up. Right now even middle to upper-class people are struggling. Take Grace’s advice. Contact their school, find a shelter, and apply for government resources. You got this momma!”
• “Overcoming the stigma of homelessness is difficult, but life happens and not always as we planned! You’re a human being that just needs a little help! Now comes the really hard part…. Go to the people, the community, the church, the food banks and ask them what kind of service they can provide for you? If they can’t help they will tell you who can and usually with a smile and a kind heart! From there it’s just finding the best program for your needs. Nothing is hopeless as long as you have yourself, so be strong!”

Get Creative

• “Lean on family and friends if you’ve got ‘em. If you don’t, then lean on your own skills and knowledge. Try to save money (or make money) with any trades you know….like babysitting, sewing, knitting, cutting hair, etc. You could also drive for a food delivery company to make some extra cash…you could have your boys in the car while you do that.”
• “Be smart about food. If your work doesn’t feed you or give you leftovers, eat cheap non-perishables like peanut butter and jelly. STAY HYDRATED! Try to eat as much protein and nutrition as you can for as little money as you can.”
• “The biggest thing for me when I was homeless was feeling clean. Get a cheap gym membership (or find a shelter that has showers) so you and your boys can shower regularly and feel fresh.”

Ask For Help

• “Apply for every housing program available! In your town and the towns nearby. Don’t put it off until tomorrow. Don’t hesitate to apply for funding, housing assistance, anything. Stay positive. Don’t give up. I was homeless for a while with my 85-year-old mom. We finally found a rental that accepted us with deposit assistance. We are home again and you will be as well.”
• “Definitely call 2-1-1 and try to keep your mind well. Mental health is vital while going through this. And for doing it as a single parent I commend you for still working, and still trying to provide for your boys! I was married when we were homeless, so I had an extra pair of hands. You’re a superstar. Keep your head up, this too shall pass!  Be blessed!”
• “Although you probably feel somewhat embarrassed about your situation, reach out, talk to people, learn where the food banks are, where the motel vouchers are given out. Before you know it you and your boys will be staying in a safe place with warm meals and a soft pillow to lay down on. I myself was homeless for about 10 years. By the grace of God and good friends, I never spent 1 night on the streets. Many spent in my storage unit and in my van but I now have a stable home, SSI income, and a place for my kitty that I love to death (after praying for one for years!). Don’t give up, have faith and before you know it you will be writing in this space to help someone else.”

You know your own family and your own situation best, but I hope that hearing from these women has made you a little more HopeFUL, Hopeless. Hundreds of thousands of women in our community have heard your story and responded with compassion. Many of them were once in your shoes. Know that you are not alone, we are all rooting for you, and the best is yet to come.

Sending you strength,

Grace and the Readers