Dear Grace, are you sure nothing is “off the table?”

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Dear Grace,

Can we really talk about everything here? Can we talk about racism, politics, marriage, children and how wild the world is?

Incredulous in Illinois


Dear Incredulous,

While I wish you didn’t feel like you had to ask, I appreciate your question and anyone else who may have wondered it but never written in. The short answer to your question is, “Yes!” This community and my advice columns are here to talk through anything and everything

I get why you might be skeptical (and even Incredulous). Some of the topics you named can feel like taboos or arguments-waiting-to-happen, but that’s why I started this column in the first place: To give women like you and me a chance to be honest about our struggles, questions, and feelings, no judgment. Most of life isn’t black and white, Incredulous, and my goal is to give us a space to sort through the shades of gray together.

No matter the topic, there are a few truths that I try to always remember when I’m giving (and getting!) advice: 

None of us knows everything.

I’ve always been the person my loved ones come to for advice, but I know that I’m not an expert on everything. When I get questions beyond my experience, I pass the mic to people with the know-how to help navigate the harder issues. There is wisdom in recognizing what you don’t know—and opportunity, too. Asking questions and being open to others’ answers only makes us smarter and more prepared for whatever the future throws our way.

Friends tell friends when they’re in the wrong.

This one is hard, I know. It can be uncomfortable to tell a friend when we don’t agree with them—and difficult to hear it, too.  Sometimes we’re so absorbed in our situation that we lose the ability to see ourselves clearly and need a friend to lovingly tap us on the shoulder. The real gift of good advice is a fresh perspective, even if that perspective casts us in a less-than-flattering light. If all we do is “yes” each other, we’re robbing ourselves of the opportunity to grow and be our best selves. As your internet friend, you can always count on me to tell you the truth, clearly and with compassion.

You’re not alone.

Sometimes, the feeling that we’re alone in our situation can be even more upsetting than the challenge we’re facing. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that no matter how unique your dilemma feels, there’s always someone who can empathize with what you’re going through. Even in a community as large and diverse as our Dear Grace readership, we have more in common than any of us might assume. I see a big part of my role as reminding family, friends, our readers (and myself at times) that there are people who support us and want to see us happy and thriving. We’re all pulling for each other here!

Ultimately, I hope these columns help us all feel less alone and give us the courage to make decisions that bring us the joy and support we all crave. And whether you’re on the hunt for specific advice or just stumble across something that resonates with what you’re going through, I’m so grateful to be a part of your journey.

With love and encouragement,

Grace