How do I achieve my dreams when I’m not sure what they are?

Dear Grace,

This is going to be long, my apologies! I’m 37 years old and have been working on myself for about 2 years now because I always felt like I was missing something. My whole life had been getting out of one pile of poop just to step into another. The only thing I am proud of is my kids–two boys who are teenagers now. Since I’ve been working on myself, I have found self-love and happiness. Never been happier. I feel like I’ve just stepped into my adult life. I’m currently renting a room in a basement from a lady, but I want more and with this economy, I feel like I’m just treading water. Sure, what I have now is better than drowning, but I want more. I know I’m getting there and just need to hold on, but I could use advice. I’m all ears, thank you for your time!

– Moving Forward Slowly, Michigan

Dear Moving Forward,

First of all, BIG CONGRATULATIONS on owning your life! I’m so impressed that you set out to take this journey. It sounds like it wasn’t always easy—and yet you persevered and found the self-love we all deserve. 

I also hear you about wanting more. So many of us can relate to your feeling of surviving but not quite thriving. Here are some next steps that could get you even farther down the path toward your goals.  

What does “more” look like for you?

It sounds like you’ve really found energy from this journey you’re on. I wonder, when you envision your ideal life a few years down the road, what does it look like? Are you in another job? Living someplace new? What are passions that fill your spare time?  If you’re not quite sure, think about people you admire or times in your life when you felt really happy. What qualities might that person have that you would like in yourself? What was it about that time that brought you joy? What could you bring into your life to give you that feeling every day? 

Thinking big like this is fun, so don’t be afraid to lean into it! You can start a journal just for your goals and dreams, make a vision board (either digitally or by breaking into your crafting drawer), create a playlist of songs that inspire you—whatever will get your brain going and fill you with possibility!

Take baby steps.

Things don’t change drastically overnight. As you know after two years of personal work: Change happens as a result of small, steady changes. Take your “more” as you defined it above and break it down into small achievable steps. This will give you a sense of accomplishment as you work toward the end result.

For example, if one of your goals is to own your own home, start with getting a credit report, finding out how much you qualify for in a mortgage, and doing some research on the market where you live or want to live (get ready to go down the Zillow rabbit hole. . . ). Next steps could include cleaning up any credit issues, making a savings plan for your down payment, researching assistance programs for first-time homebuyers, and creating a timeline for when this could reasonably happen. Celebrate each item ticked off along the way! You did something hard and now you’re that much closer to your goal. 

Remember that progress isn’t a straight line.

Bumps in the road are part of any journey. Especially when it comes to big goals, the path isn’t always straightforward. Exploring a new career, for example, might mean having to go back to school or re-taking some classes. Looking into owning a home might make you realize renting is a better option. We all get frustrated and feel like we’ve stalled out or even slid backwards at times, but that doesn’t mean we have. Often, what we’re doing is working but we may need time to be able to appreciate our progress. Sometimes the setbacks are how we learn the most.

I hope you can allow yourself to take pride in the work you’re doing and the model you’re setting for your two boys, of a life lived with growth and passion. I’m inspired by your strength and positivity and so excited for what life has in store for you next! Please keep in touch, Moving Forward, because I want to hear all about it.

With Love and Joy,

Grace