I’m worried my son’s best friend will be impacted by family separation. How do I talk to my son about what is happening to immigrant families?

Dear Grace,

I am someone who always looks out for the people around me…my family, my neighbors. My son is my whole world, and he and his best friend, Hector, are inseparable. Hector’s parents immigrated here a few years ago, and we’ve gotten to know each other since the boys became so close. Making friends as a mom can be hard, but Hector’s family has always been so welcoming…and they know their way around a barbecue! 

I have no idea what their immigration status is, and it feels rude to ask, but I’m just worried that something could happen and Hector could be impacted. They shouldn’t be targeted. He is such a sweet kid. It’s not fair that they have to live in fear. I care about the whole family, and the idea of my son losing his best friend just breaks my heart.

My son and Hector are in 6th grade. How should I talk to my son about this?

– Trying To Be a Good Mama in Texas

Dear Trying,

You’re not just trying—you are a good mom. I can hear how much you care about your son, about Hector, and about doing the right thing. Talking to your son about immigration, especially when it affects someone he loves, is a powerful parenting moment. You don’t need all the answers. You just need to be honest, compassionate, and willing to listen.

You are not alone in worrying about Hector’s family. Millions of people across the country are watching the news and thinking: “Could that happen in my community? Could my neighbor or loved one be next?” It’s hard to keep up with what is happening or where your neighbors or loved ones have gone, which is scary for anyone, especially for a child. You don’t have to know Hector’s family’s immigration status to know that they—and many others in our neighborhoods—are living in fear of their lives being turned upside down. And your son is growing up alongside all of this. It makes sense that you’d want to protect him, prepare him, and help him make sense of the world around him.

Talk about family—and why people come to the U.S.

Kids understand more than we give them credit for, especially when it comes to caring about their friends. You don’t need to know Hector’s family’s legal status to have this conversation. Start by talking about how so many families have a story about how they came to the U.S. Talk with your son about why someone would want to come to our country: refugees of natural disasters, asylum seekers from places with political violence, or folks who would do anything to give their child a better life—just like you would.

You can say something simple like: “We don’t know all the details of Hector’s story, but we know his family came here to give Hector a better life—just like I would do anything to give you a better life.” That’s a truth your son will understand.

Ask what he’s heard—and help him sort fact from fear.

Middle schoolers pick up a lot—from social media, the news, and their friends. Ask your son gently if he’s seen or heard anything about deportations or families being separated. What stood out to him? How did it make him feel?

If he’s heard upsetting things, remind him: not everything online is true. Help him think through questions like, “Does this post line up with what I know about Hector’s family?” or “Is this trying to spark hate, or help me understand?”

Then help him ground him with real facts. You don’t have to be an expert in our complex immigration system to help your son sort fact from fiction. Not sure where to start? Here are a few realities that immigrants and their loved ones are facing:

• The US immigration system is complicated and confusing.
• Some people are waiting years for paperwork or court dates. 
• Some people are being taken to a detention center without warning, without a lawyer, and without a chance to explain. And sometimes, even families who are American citizens get caught up in all of it.

Many people across the country are scared that they or their loved ones will get taken, including kids just like Hector. That’s not right and it’s not fair.

Show your son what caring for others looks like.

One of the best ways to ease fear is to show your son that kindness is stronger than worry. Let Hector’s family know that you care—send a text, drop off a meal, or simply let them know you’re there for them. Hector and his family may be seeing messages online or on the news that make them feel unwelcome or even hated. Be a voice that reminds them they do belong and that you value them. Those little acts teach your son that when someone we love might be at risk, we show up.  If your son is scared or upset, tell him it’s okay to feel that way—and remind him that love and friendship don’t stop just because things get hard.

You can’t fix everything. But you can make sure Hector’s family knows they’re not alone—and your son will remember that lesson for life.

Thank you for writing in, Mama. Talking to our kids about pain in our community is hard—but those are the conversations that raise kind, thoughtful children. You’re not just protecting your son—you’re showing him how to be a good friend, a good neighbor, and a good man. And that matters now more than ever.

With love,

Grace