It’s been 2 years, how do I get my groove back?
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Dear Grace,
My husband and I have been married 33 years. We’re still in love but we haven’t made love in almost 2 years now. I could probably live without it forever but I have come to the realization that it isn’t fair to my husband. Here’s the problem: I don’t know how to start it again. It’s like I’m lost. We’re going away for a weekend in September and I’d like to rock his world so help is immediately needed. Any suggestions?
– Groove-less
Dear Groove-less,
First thing’s first: 33 years of marriage is incredible! It warms my heart to hear that love is still alive and well in your relationship, and I know that finding a spark of intimacy again will only boost that happiness for the two of you.
Let me be very clear—you’re not the only person wondering how to get their groove back. Relationships are living, breathing things that change and grow along with us, so it’s natural that our approach to sex and intimacy changes too. With your getaway coming up, I’ve got some tips to help you make it a special weekend for both of you:
Reflect on what you want. I hear how much you care about meeting your husband’s needs, but your needs are just as important. What kind of intimacy feels interesting or exciting to you? What has been in your way these past two years? Being confident about what you want and how you feel will make sure that you both have a good time and continue that connection, rather than falling back into another dry spell.
Talk to your husband. Rather than surprising him, start a conversation with him before your trip to share how you feel and learn what he would like. So much of intimacy is tied up in knowing that our partners are enjoying it as much as we are. Talking about things ahead of time gives you each the opportunity to share so that you have a truly mind-blowing weekend.
Come prepared. As we get older, our bodies change and we may need a little help to get things started. Erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness—these are common experiences as we age, so consider talking to your husband about coming prepared for some romance.
Relax and have fun! After two years without sex, I can understand the pressure to “rock his world” on this vacation. Keep the atmosphere laid back and fun, be silly and take it one moment at a time. If your classic, go-to moves from earlier in your relationship aren’t doing the trick, give yourself permission to try something new together.
I’m confident that you guys will get your groove back and have a great time on your special getaway. What are you waiting for? Hang that Do Not Disturb sign on the door and enjoy!
Lots of love,
Grace <3