My kids and I are sleeping in my car. How do I get us back on our feet?

Dear Grace,

Why is it so easy to become homeless these days? I have been struggling with homelessness for 3 years now. I’m a single mother of three boys and the shelter where I could stay doesn’t allow boys over the age of 10, so we’ve been sleeping all together in my car. I feel like I am a horrible mother although they tell me every day I’m not.  I work every day waitressing but still fall short and I’m starting to lose faith in ever being able to have my kids at home again. I know this problem is bigger than me…what’s your take?

– Hopeless in Henderson, Nevada

Dear Hopeless,

First off—I‘m so sorry that you are experiencing this. Homelessness is hard to talk about, so I want to commend you for sharing your story and asking for help. Homelessness can happen to many different kinds of people for many different reasons—your landlord tripling your rent, unexpected medical costs, a hurricane or fire destroying your home, or needing to escape an abusive partner (the leading cause of homelessness for women). 

I’ve heard that some people assume that people become homeless through their own fault because they are lazy or just not trying hard enough. This is not true. This myth is harmful because it puts unnecessary shame on selfless, responsible moms like you. This community is here for you and we see how hard you are working to give your boys a safe and happy home. You’re right that this problem is bigger than you, so I hope you can let go of any guilt or shame you are holding on to.

You have done so much on your own—you’ve kept your family together, your boys off of the streets, your car running, and held down your job during a real crisis. I’m sure you’re exhausted from carrying the team on your back! You know your situation best, but here are some ideas and resources for you based on my research:

Know you are not alone.

You are clearly a thoughtful and hardworking mom, Hopeless. And you’re not the only mom going through this—almost 60,000 families with children are homeless on any given night. You’re right, it’s easy to become homeless these days. More than half of Americans (moms or not) are living paycheck to paycheck and are only one financial emergency away from homelessness themselves. Between the affordable housing shortage and the cost of living crisis, our money is just not going as far as it did in our parents’ generation. I get questions about the rising costs of daycare, food, and rent every week, so you can take a little comfort in knowing that plenty of us can appreciate what you’re going through. 

One step at a time.

I think we can all agree that in a country as rich as America,  every child should have a warm bed and a roof over their heads. The most urgent problem to solve is that you and your boys need a more comfortable (and warmer) place to sleep. For better shelter options, call 2-1-1 or visit Nevada211.org to get connected with shelters that will take whole families. 

If your boys are still in school, call their school and ask to talk to the HOPE (the Homeless Outreach Program for Education) advocate. Every school in your district has an advocate on campus, usually in the front office—this federally funded program helps homeless students with school supplies, transportation, food, and getting their assignments in on time. Getting shelter and support from your boys’ school will make this extremely stressful period a little more bearable.

Stay organized.

The social workers at the shelter can help you apply for affordable housing and rent assistance programs to help you get back on your feet. There’s going to be a lot of paperwork, so it’s important to stay organized—as a waitress, you are already used to managing many moving parts, so you’ve got this!  Make a list of the programs you’ve applied to and keep a folder of all of your documents (either on paper or digitally in a Google Drive or your phone’s ‘files’ app). 

As you’re applying for long-term housing, make sure to prioritize your and your boys’ mental health. You can make appointments with free mental health counselors, find a support group, or call the National Mental Health line as a family. Homelessness is incredibly stressful and you all deserve support as you begin your healing journey. 

You are a supermom for holding it all together for your kids. Please don’t be afraid to ask for help and apply for the resources available in your city—that’s what they’re there for! Government programs are available to protect families like yours from sky-high rent and keep you and your boys from falling through the cracks when times are tough. Be gentle with yourself, Hopeless. You’ve had a really tough 3 years, but I’m hopeful you’ll be on the other side of it soon.

Sending love, 

Grace