My sister-in-law has started going to protests, and people are saying she’s being too risky. How do I stick up for her?

Dear Grace,

Everyone is talking about my sister-in-law because she has started going to protests ever since No Kings. People are saying she is a bad mom and putting her kids in danger, but I don’t agree. I think she is being brave and strong by standing for what she believes in. I don’t want to go myself (I don’t have the time), but I want to stick up for her when others badmouth her.

What should I say when I hear people speaking about how she’s being too risky?

– Wanting to Speak Up, Michigan

Dear Wanting to Speak Up,

Wow, hearing someone you love and admire being called a “bad mom” behind her back is a horrible feeling! As moms, we are already so hard on ourselves, even as we pour everything we have into caring for our kids. When someone throws that insecurity back at us, it stings and can make us doubt ourselves. Shaming your friend for her choices as a mom is downright unkind. I understand why you want to speak up for her.

People have this idea that protests are unsafe, because we usually only hear about the ones that have enough drama to make the nightly news. We’ve all seen the heartbreaking footage of demonstrators and bystanders being harassed and hurt by ICE in the past few months, but the reality is that hundreds of peaceful protests are happening all over the country all of the time, and most of them are extremely safe and feel like…a block party with a purpose. I’m not hitting the pavement every weekend, but I’ve been to my fair share of marches, and I’m always inspired by the people I meet and the way it feels to all come together around something we care about. The most common risks of taking to the streets are sore feet and dehydration, so if you do plan to join your SIL, make sure you wear good shoes and bring a water bottle.

Let’s talk about how you can stand up for your sister-in-law while she exercises her constitutional rights:

Practice what to say.

I have always found that I am more likely to speak up and be brave if I have practiced what I am going to say ahead of time. Try a few responses in the mirror, like “I think it’s brave to show up for what she believes in” or “I’m proud of her for teaching her kids that our voices matter in this country.” Having a response prepared will help you flex your “brave muscle” when folks are bad-mouthing your sister-in-law. We can make change, and protest is an important tool in our toolbox. You could say, “I like that she doesn’t just complain about how things are, she does something about it.” You never know…by standing up for your sister-in-law, you may be teaching someone that voting isn’t the only way to participate in democracy, protest is an important part of democracy too.

Remind any badmouthers that good moms fight for their kids.

Calling someone a “bad mom” because they are trying to make a better future for their kids is very hurtful. If someone is questioning your sister-in-law’s parenting, I agree that it is important for you to stand up for her. Moms throughout history have fought for their kids’ rights and for their kids to have a better future: Women of the suffrage movement marched with their kids in strollers to fight for their daughters’ right to vote, moms marched in Dr. Martin Luther King’s 1963 March On Washington to protect their children from discrimination, and moms marched with their school-age children in the 2018 March For Our Lives to call for an end to school shootings and gun violence. There’s nothing more powerful than a mom standing up for her kids, and anyone who is talking badly about your sister-in-law needs to be reminded.

Be her sidekick.

Aside from speaking up for your sister-in-law if you hear someone talking badly about her, show your sister-in-law that you support her by showing up for her in other ways. Tell her you’re proud of her. If you’re not ready to go to a protest with her, how else can you show up? You could bring her a water bottle, watch her kids, or help her make a sign (you could turn it into an arts & crafts day with the kids!). You can talk to the kids about what their mom is doing and how proud of her you are. Her family is so lucky to have such an amazing mom to look up to and learn from!

It sounds like your sister-in-law is inspiring you, and this is a beautiful and exciting moment in your relationship. Stand up to bullies, share the important role that moms play in any big movement, and be her sidekick in making the world better for the next generation. We all have our lane for how to stick up for democracy and each other…I’m so happy that you’ve found yours!

Love,

Grace