My sister-in-law is blowing our vacation budget

Dear Grace,

I’m getting ready for our annual lake trip with my SIL and her kids and need some advice. We’ve been spending a week at the lake together each summer for the past few years -all our kids are around the same age and love playing together. I always look forward to it–being together in one house gives me some extra support with things like bedtime, lunches, etc. We’ve never had any trouble with the planning or trip itself, but this year is feeling a little awkward. My BIL got a new job and is making much more than he was before. Meanwhile, we’ve been tightening our belts this year with my husband’s company making cuts and now paying for child care for our baby since I’m back at work after maternity leave. When she sent me the plan for this trip, I immediately felt a pit in my stomach because it’s just too expensive. Between the house, the activities, and the boat rental, we just can’t afford it and I don’t know how to tell her that. What should I do? 

– Feeling the Pinch in Ft. Worth

Dear Feeling the Pinch,

I feel YOU. Money and financial security is one of most Americans’ top concerns. Let’s face it: when it comes to money, it seems like almost no one (except Jeff Bezos, and maybe your BIL) has enough of it. You’re not alone, FTP, and you’re smart for taking a minute to consider the stress that this trip may put on your family’s wallet. Because it’s not just about the trip, it’s about the trickle effect that your family is going to feel for weeks or months to come as you get off the boat and settle back into reality. 

Talking about uncomfortable things is never easy. But it’s a conversation that’s worth having up front to protect not just your wallet, but also your relationship with your SIL. I suggest: 

• Notice how you’re feeling. Money struggles can bring up lots of stress and tangled up emotions. Are you feeling embarrassed? Frustrated? Worried that your kids will miss out? It’s good to be aware of the feelings that are floating beneath the surface, they’re all totally valid.
• Do some light math. Figure out a realistic budget for your trip and what you feel comfortable splurging on, versus where you can save. You may want to pay a little extra to rent a boat one day, but be content to spend the rest of the time eating PB&J lunches at the state park. 
• Team huddle! Share your new budget and your concerns with your husband so you all can make a plan. Who is going to talk to your SIL–you, as the vacation-planner, or him as her brother? If you’re feeling stressed about having the conversation, consider sending her a text or email with some of your suggestions ahead of time to take her temperature. Together, you can decide on some options that will work for everyone’s budget.
• Have the conversation. Share your budget preferences and decide on activities and plans that work for everyone’s wallets. If you find that you all can’t agree, consider some other alternatives, like just going for a long weekend, instead of the whole week. The goal is to spend time together, and there are lots of ways to do that!

As wonderful as spending time with family can be, there are always challenges. A big blow to your bank account shouldn’t have to be one of them. I’m confident that you can create a summer vacation that matches your budget and that delivers fun for you and your family. Happy trails!

<3 Grace