My veteran husband gets mental health care from the VA. With these cuts, will he lose it?

Dear Grace,

My husband and I are both veterans. He served in a combat zone and has seen all kinds of horror. The transition to civilian life was….rough for him, to say the least. It got really dark before he finally went to the doctors. I won’t bore you with the details. We finally figured it out, and he has good doctors and medication, but it was a nightmare of paperwork. It took months to settle the VA claims and get everything covered (not to mention waiting for an appointment).

Anyway, I heard that Trump’s bill is doing layoffs at the VA, and now health care bills for veterans are gonna go up? I can’t imagine having to do all that over again…or how it could get any slower or worse. I just want him to still get his care and be okay. We served this country, why do I have to spend hours on the phone trying to get his meds covered? He wouldn’t even need them if he hadn’t gone.

– Feeling Frustrated and Betrayed in Missoula

Dear Frustrated & Betrayed,

First, thank you—to both you and your husband—for your service. What your family has been through is real, painful, and sometimes overwhelming, and the burden of navigating the system when you’re already exhausted is unfair. You, your husband, and all Americans deserve access to good care, dignity, and support. Veterans should get what they were promised, and people in need of mental health care shouldn’t be left stranded.

Here are some ideas for how to navigate this next chapter.

It’s okay to be upset.

You’re right that cuts to the VA are slowing things down, reducing staff capacity, and squeezing already overloaded systems. It’s not right and it’s not fair that veterans like you and your husband are being left behind. Vets all over the country are frustrated, too. If you need to scream into your pillow, vent to a friend, or cry on the couch with a tub of ice cream, do that. It’s okay to feel angry and upset.

Get ready to be on the phone a lot.

You know from experience that navigating the complicated healthcare system takes grit, endurance, and organization. You and your husband have all of those skills (and more!) from your time in the service, so I know you can do it. Prepare to spend a long time on the phone and take notes on every call. Keep detailed records (dates, names, actions, responses) of every phone call, letter, or email you send. When the system is overburdened, the difference between “we lost your paperwork” and “you never submitted it” can hinge on your notes. Get support from these resources:

• Talk to your doctor. Some medications can be refilled on “grace” or “bridging” protocols if the system lags. Sometimes, doctors can pre-authorize short bridging prescriptions while claims catch up.
• Get help from veteran advocates. Go to a meeting with the Missoula Region Veterans Support Network or call the Veterans Crisis Line to get connected to other mental health resources.
• Contact your local congressional staff. Call your Senators’ and Representative’s offices and ask to speak to their veterans affairs liaison to “casework” your issue. Many veterans find that elected officials’ staff can get faster movement.

Make a plan while you both are in a good place.

While you’re both feeling healthy, work together to make a list of warning signs to look out for that would indicate that your husband’s mental health is in trouble. Losing mental health care when you really need it can be dangerous, so talk to your husband and agree on an emergency plan. If things get bad again, does your husband feel comfortable talking to you or calling the Veteran Crisis Line? Who can YOU call for help? Don’t wait until you’re underwater to let your loved ones help out, talk to them now. As you gear up to be his advocate (again) and help take care of him, think about how you can take care of your own mental health, too. For tips on how to take care of your body and ease day-to-day stress, check out this self-care checklist from Caregiver Action Network! 

The cuts to the VA and the impact they will have on you and your husband are unfair, Frustrated & Betrayed. Knowing that you’ll have to do all the hard work of getting him care again is exhausting! But you’ve already proven many times over that you can do hard things…so you can do this (even though you shouldn’t have to). Feel your feelings, make an emergency plan, and try to share the load: let a friend or advocate help you keep track, remind you, make calls. We’re all rooting for you both!

With love,

Grace