We can barely afford to attend our granddaughter’s wedding, much less get a gift. What should we do?

Dear Grace,

My 28-year-old granddaughter is getting married this summer. She and her fiancé are very well-off financially. My husband and I are seniors and are struggling to meet the high costs of living, food, taxes, prescriptions, etc. The wedding is in another state, so there will be additional costs involved to travel there.

So we are struggling to figure out what we can give them for a wedding gift. They already own two houses… they live in one, and the other is used as an Airbnb. We have 5 other grandchildren also, who could be getting married in the next few years. Any suggestions on what to do?

– Worried about Money in Michigan

Dear Worried,

First, I want you to know—you are not alone. A lot of seniors across the country are having a tough time right now. Prices for food, medicine, and housing have all gone up, but many people’s incomes haven’t. In fact, 80% of households with older adults are struggling financially. You’re doing the best you can in a tough economy, and you’re not the only one feeling this pressure. In fact, I received a very similar question about the cost of wedding gifts last year (check out my response here).

Let’s talk about how you can show love to your granddaughter—and keep your peace of mind.

Give a gift that is meaningful, instead of expensive.

You have a special relationship with your granddaughter, and she clearly has more than enough when it comes to money and material things. A thoughtful, personal gift can mean so much more than something pricey. Here are a few ideas:

• A handwritten letter with encouragement and marriage advice for the couple to open on their anniversary.
• A small photo album full of pictures of you and your granddaughter.
• A secret family recipe written out on a nice card.
• A keepsake passed down, like a piece of jewelry or a special book.
• A framed photo of your own wedding with a note full of marriage advice
• A homemade craft, made with love.

Your care, life experience, and knowledge of your family’s history and traditions is much more valuable than a new frying pan or a fancy pasta maker that she’ll never actually use!

Give something you can repeat for other grandkids.

I really admire that you’re thinking ahead and wanting to treat each grandchild fairly. That kind of love and planning says a lot about you. Since your relationship with every grandkid is unique, each gift can be a reflection of that relationship. Maybe one of your grandkids loves to cook with you—they can get a family recipe. Maybe another grandkid loves family history; they can get a hand-drawn family tree. If you give a small, meaningful gift now, it’s something you can easily do again in the future—no stress, no comparison.

Be honest with your family and know that your presence is a present.

It sounds like you and your husband are working hard to be able to physically go to the wedding. This is an example of the lengths you are willing to go for the people you love. It’s okay to let your family know that the travel will be hard, but you’re excited to do it because it’s important to you. Letting your family in on your financial challenges will help them understand you better and will hopefully help them know how much you care about them. And remember this: your love is the real gift. You’ve been there for your granddaughter over the years, and that counts more than anything money could buy.

Hold your head high, Worried. You’ve done so much for your family already—and you’re still giving them the gift of your love, your values, and your wisdom. You’re also living through a financial time that’s hard for so many. Seniors should be able to live with comfort and dignity after a lifetime of hard work. It’s not your fault that money is tight for seniors across the country right now. Wishing you peace, ease, and a little joy this wedding season.

With care,

Grace