Confession: I feel like a fraud.

Dear Grace,

I got a new job about a year ago and am STILL not confident at work. I have a few years experience now in my field (HR), but I still feel like I’m the newbie and that everyone knows more than me. I constantly worry that someone might look over my shoulder and realize that I’m not at the same level as my coworkers. How can I get more confident and stop being a nervous wreck (and no power poses, those just make me feel dumb)?

– Insecure in Iowa

Dear Insecure, 

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It can be exhausting to be filled with all this worry and self-doubt, but I can assure you that you’re not alone. I may not be in the office with you, but I have a pretty good sense that you’re not giving yourself nearly enough credit. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and deserve to feel successful and confident. 

What you’re describing sounds a lot like “imposter’s syndrome,” feeling like a fraud or a phony, despite your achievements and experience. Lots of women (and I mean LOTS) have reported struggling with imposter syndrome at work, particularly if they’re working in a male-dominated setting. 

I’ve got some advice to help you push through your nerves and settle into your very real success: 

• Get to know your colleagues better. You don’t need to go above and beyond to try to win them over, just grab some genuine one on one time with your peers over lunch or a Zoom call to help build up your comfort and confidence with them. Like I said before, you’re not alone. There may be other folks in your workplace who are (or have) feeling the same way and understand what you are going through. Connecting gives you the chance to support each other. 

• Invest in your own skills. Are there particular times or tasks that make you doubt yourself? You may benefit from some additional training. Look into courses at the community college or online–Coursera is a good place to start, they even have free courses! 

• Be kind to yourself. Chances are, you’re being harder on yourself than you would be on others. The next time you’re stressed over a call or project that you wish had gone differently, imagine how you would respond if a friend came to you with the same concern. Would you empathize with her? Make a list of her skills and superpowers? Remind her that we’re all human and make mistakes? Probably all of the above! You deserve to offer yourself that same grace and compassion. 

Insecure, you deserve to shine all day, every day, starting right now. I hope that this advice helps you reconnect with the wonderful light you have inside of yourself sooner rather than later.

<3 Grace