BONUS! I’m an adult but my mom still wants me to call every day. How do I get some space without hurting her feelings?
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Dear Grace,
I’m a 44 year old single mother. I live about 30 minutes from my parents and don’t see a reason to call my mom every day. She gets mad when I don’t call her daily, but talk to my good friend, who she’s jealous of. She acts like a helicopter mom even though I’m a grown woman. What’s the best way of setting boundaries with her?
– Setting Boundaries in Shenandoah
Hello again, Setting Boundaries!
After I shared my advice for you, hundreds of fellow readers chimed in to share how much they could relate to your story—both as a mother and as a daughter. No matter how they saw the situation, I was so impressed by the love that shone through each piece of advice.
Check out this selection of wisdom from our community of mothers and daughters:
“If you do decide to set up some boundaries with your mom, make sure to follow through. She will be looking forward to your time together or phone call. It’s hard to go from being your child’s go-to person for years to then being put on the back burner when they are busy with their own families.”
“I am in total agreement with Grace’s advice. I was going to suggest setting aside some time together with the mother. I can also relate to feeling overwhelmed by many responsibilities of life. We all need to remember to make time for ourselves without feeling guilty. Even if that is just going into the bathroom to close our eyes and take a deep breath.”
“It’s easy to see both sides. I would personally give anything to have 30 minutes with my mom. So my advice would be to enjoy her while you have her. Who knows how much longer she will be around. Every day is a gift!”
“Being a single mom is a big responsibility and I can admit life does get ahead of us sometimes, which could cause stress. Maybe you should try writing out a schedule for your daily tasks for yourself and kid(s) and share it with your mom. Then she can see clearly why maybe not every day is a good day for a phone call. Then you can compromise by finding a good time for some family bonding.”
“Call your mom as often as you can. Text if you can and understand she loves you and needs you. I’m 64 and I have one child. My daughter is the love of my life. If calling is too much or you don’t have time, just send her a text to let her know you’re thinking of her.”
“It’s hard to be an empty nester. Find out if there are groups in the area that share your mom’s interests before you call her. Get contact information and a person she can talk to and learn more (try to find at least 3 different options). Then call your mom, follow Grace’s advice and at the end of the call, mention the groups you found and see if she’s interested. Be sure to be casual, you aren’t trying to get rid of her, just brighten her life and help her connect.”
From our families to yours, Setting Boundaries, we’re sending our love!
– The Readers
