Are my friends right about my relationship?
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Dear Grace,
I met a guy online and we are SO compatible. I want to shout it from the rooftops but my friends just say that he’s after my money (I’m not rich but I own my condo) and don’t trust that this is for real. He’s never asked me for anything, he just makes me happy. We have the same sense of humor, agree on politics, and everything. Should I ignore my friends or am I blind? Should I dump him?
– Anxious in Arizona
Dear Anxious,
Love truly is such a ride, isn’t it?
One moment your heart is racing with anticipation. The next, everything is upside down and you’re left second-guessing your decisions, or in your case, fielding uninvited questions from your friends.
Like every good rollercoaster ride, it’s essential to keep yourself securely fastened in, so here are a few safety precautions moving forward:
Take time to reflect. Our friends often have insights that we might miss when we’re so wrapped up in our lives that we can’t see the forest through the trees. Take some time to tune into your feelings and consider the questions they’ve raised. Do they see something that you don’t? Do you have a history or pattern in relationships that could be repeating itself? Do your friends have a reason to worry that your guy’s intentions aren’t 100% honest? If your answer to these questions is no, then it sounds like they might need help to understand and appreciate your relationship the way you do. If your answer is yes, then you might want to take some of their concerns to heart. At the end of the day, it’s your choice whether or not to let their thoughts impact your relationship.
Talk to your friends. Your friends clearly care about you. Get together over coffee (or something stronger) and hear each other out. Share how much you value their perspective and talk through their concerns one by one. Be honest about how their questions have made you feel and what this relationship means to you. Good friends look out for each other, but (absent danger) they also swallow their opinions and get on board to support each other’s decisions. If you feel strongly about this guy, this might be their “get on board” moment.
Trust Your Gut. If you’re looking for proof that this guy is too good to be true, you’ll probably find it. It’s so easy to convince ourselves that the good things that come into our lives will be fleeting or just won’t work out–but why? You deserve happiness, Anxious, and I’m so glad to hear that you found someone who clicks with you in all the right ways. Don’t let the voice of doubt in your mind (or in texts from your friends) overshadow what you know in your gut. Your own inner compass will rarely steer you wrong.
At the end of the day, the person who knows you and your relationship best is you.
Rooting for you, Anxious,
Grace
