Ask The Readers: How do I get my newborn to sleep through the night?

Dear Readers,

Any tips on how to get my newborn to start sleeping through the night?

– Tired Working Mom in Kentucky

Dear Tired Working Mom,

Ask The Readers is your regular chance to grab the mic and give advice to other readers in our community. Each piece of advice we share comes from a different thoughtful reader. 

Did you miss giving your advice for this question? Scroll to the bottom to give your answer to the next one.

I texted your question out to tens of thousands of women across the country, and responses flooded in. The first thing almost all of them wanted you to hear: you are not doing anything wrong. Newborns are not built to sleep through the night yet. Feeling exhausted by that is not a personal failure, and doing it while also getting up for work is even harder. It should not be this hard. Every mom deserves real, paid time to recover and be with her baby. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in your shoes. 

Here are a few suggestions from women across the country:

• “Aww, mama. It’s so tough when you’re exhausted, and the baby isn’t sleeping through the night. The good news is that this is very normal, and it really does get better. Keeping the baby close to your bed in a bassinet was really helpful for me. And please give yourself permission to be tired. You’re not doing anything wrong because your baby wakes up. Take it one night at a time, accept help whenever you can, and remember that this stage really won’t last forever.”
• “It is completely normal for newborns to eat every 2-3 hours around the clock. Make sure you sleep when the baby sleeps and understand that their nervous system is immature, and they cry as a default. Of note, though, if a baby is excessively crying, has a fever, or seems lethargic, call their doctor.”
• “Relaxing bath, warm snuggles, feeding, take a nap when the baby sleeps during the day. Ask trusted friends and family to assist you with healthy meals, cleaning, and other children if needed. No shame in this game. It takes a village and looks different for every mom and new baby.”
• “I’d been mom-shamed by people saying, ‘Don’t do that. They’ll become dependent on it.’ But every family finds what works for them, and that’s really all you can do. When she woke during the night, which babies naturally do, I’d first check her diaper and make sure she wasn’t hungry. If she didn’t need anything, I’d gently pat or rub her chest instead of picking her up. I’m not saying this is the answer for every baby, because every child is different, but it worked for my daughter.”

• “Give it time. Newborns and infants aren’t designed to sleep through the night. But I promise, as a mother of 4, it WILL get easier. For now, sleep when the baby sleeps. A consistent routine, patience, and the understanding that this WILL NOT be forever.”

Try one thing tonight and let the rest go. If something feels off, your pediatrician’s office takes calls for exactly this.

I want to be loud and clear, Tired Working Mom, you are not failing a test. You are doing one of the hardest jobs there is, on the least sleep of your life, while also showing up for work. That is not a personal shortcoming to fix. You deserved more time. I’m sorry that you have to work while your baby is still a newborn and your body is still healing. I hope one day every parent gets paid leave. Be gentle with yourself in the meantime.

Love,

Grace