BONUS! How do I achieve my dreams when that little voice inside tells me I can’t?

Dear Grace,

I am a veteran with a dead-end job and a little bit of debt, but I am looking to buy a home and possibly obtain more gainful employment. I know I am capable of quite a bit, but I have these insecurities. I don’t feel like I’m worthy or like I’m capable of the things required of me to live a better life, but the true me, inner me, knows that’s bull crap and that I’m more than able. How do you fight these two things and overcome those fears and debilitating insecurities?! It’s difficult!

I know the only thing keeping me from thriving is me and my misplaced loyalty to a job that doesn’t give a crap about me, yet I remain for whatever reason. Ugh! How do I get over my insecurities?

– Discouraged But Capable in Louisville

Hello again, Discouraged But Capable in Louisville,

A couple of months ago, you wrote in telling me that you were ready to reinvent yourself, but your insecurities were holding you back. Let me tell you, friend, when it comes to feeling insecure, most women have first-hand experience. You are not alone. 

I shared your question and my advice on how to practice confidence, break your goals down into small steps, and get some help from friends and family with the full Galvanize Together community. Thousands of women from across the country could relate to your position: wanting to reinvent yourself, but nervous to start. I asked them to share their advice on how to reinvent yourself and push past fear towards your goals. They all thanked you for your service, and then the tips started pouring in. Here are a few of my favorites:

Even if you’re scared, do it anyway!

Being brave doesn’t mean you don’t feel fear. It means feeling fear and doing it anyway.

• “You said there’s a small voice inside telling you that you’re capable, but your insecurities speak louder. That’s something many of us experience when we start reaching for more. Here’s the truth: fear doesn’t mean you’re weak or unready. It means you’re doing something brave and unfamiliar. You’re stepping into growth.”
• “As an American hero, you first need to identify your worthiness! Then, as the soldier you are, start marching to the tune of a different drummer!!”
• “Every successful person has doubts and insecurities, and naysayers. The difference between them and us is that they don’t let it stop them. They keep going and keep trying. Let’s be like the successful people.”

Your discipline and your patience will help you achieve big things.

Even when it’s hard, keep going.

• “Don’t give up. Baby steps, then a little bigger steps, and then you are stepping up to help make your dreams a reality. That’s what I did to become a nurse. Nursing has been a huge part of my life for many years. It’s a field with no limits and no boundaries. I have made lifelong friendships and relationships that have been a privilege to share with others.” 
• “Like you said, start small. I opened a savings account that offers “buckets.” A bucket is a mini savings within your savings. I have a defined amount of money transferred each check to my savings. Then a defined amount from that is put into my bucket. I have it set up as an automatic transfer, so I don’t have to think about doing it. I have been doing this for a year, and I am so excited each time I check the balance(s) because I can see growth that is growing towards my goal.”
• “Take small, consistent steps toward your dream. Big goals can feel intimidating, but they’re built from smaller ones: one class, one email, one plan at a time. Each action, no matter how small, silences doubt a little more.”
• “I went back to college at 56 because I wanted to improve my job opportunities. I prayed about it and did it. I didn’t let fear stop me. Keep pushing for the sky and take it one day at a time.”
• “My dad always gave good advice. He said, ‘Failure is a necessary and important part of the journey to success.’ Once you learn how to fail and not be afraid, the sky is the limit. Many of us at times have felt exactly like you do. Stuck in a job you don’t love, but stay there to pay the bills. You need to give yourself more credit. You have so many wonderful attributes, and being in the military just proves it. You learned discipline, time management, caring, and working with others, along with getting the mission completed. Decide on the company or job you are interested in, and just put one foot forward and go for it. What is the worst thing that could happen?”

Build your team.

Find people, resources, and community organizations that can help.

• “Surround yourself with support. Find a mentor, a fellow veteran, or a friend who believes in your potential. Sometimes hearing someone else say ‘you’ve got this’ helps you finally believe it too.”
• “Get a career counselor (from the VA or the library) or find a job coach to help build your confidence and find your dream job”.
• “Start by taking one or two classes at your local Community College in the field you want to work in. When you were in the service, did you enjoy any of the work you did?  If you’re not sure, there are free assessments you can also take at a Community College. Grace has the best advice; she’s always willing to share her knowledge.”

If you’re struggling to let go of your insecurities alone, consider going to a therapist.

Readers suggested finding resources like a counselor or support group to help change that thinking pattern and jumpstart your new chapter!

• “My therapist taught me when I’m feeling bad to write down everything you’ve already overcome: the obstacles, the challenges, the moments that tested you, and the ones you conquered. You’ll start to see just how strong you already are.”
• “Grace should’ve suggested therapy! Therapists are great at helping people overcome insecurities and other life issues. Other options would be meditation. It sounds like Discouraged But Capable’s insecurities are mean thoughts, which meditation could help with.” 
• “First, I want to say that you are not alone. Unfortunately, so many of us suffer from insecurities. But I’ve learned recently that with practice, you can literally rewire your own brain to be kinder to yourself. Things that you may not even be totally conscious of have become what you believe about yourself. If we decide to say more positive things about ourselves and repeat them often and continually, it leads directly to a mind reset. You’re capable of changing your mind!”
• “I too am a Veteran, and it took lots of therapy to get to a point where I respected who I was after the military. Take advantage of the services the VA offers. From there, seek that job that you want, and work from there. In the meantime, save as much as you can each payday. And remember, we have our VA loan for a house. Learn to respect and love who you are. You’re a good person, and you are WORTHY!”

I hope by now you’re already taking baby steps towards your big dreams, Discouraged But Capable. But if your insecurities are still holding you back, know that it’s never too late to go after what you want. The best time to start is right now! 

Love, 

Grace and the Readers