I want to go for my dreams, but my insecurities are holding me back. How do I get over them?

Dear Grace,

I am a veteran with a dead-end job and a little bit of debt, but I am looking to buy a home and possibly obtain more gainful employment. I know I am capable of quite a bit, but I have these insecurities. I don’t feel like I’m worthy or like I’m capable of the things required of me to live a better life, but the true me, inner me, knows that’s bull crap and that I’m more than able. How do you fight these two things and overcome those fears and debilitating insecurities?! It’s difficult! 

I know the only thing keeping me from thriving is me and my misplaced loyalty to a job that doesn’t give a crap about me, yet I remain for whatever reason. Ugh! How do I get over my insecurities?

– Discouraged But Capable in Louisville

Dear Discouraged But Capable,

First of all, thank you for your service. Second of all, you’re right. You are MORE than capable. Over the summer, I asked our audience, “What qualities make a veteran a great hire?” Subscribers said things like: Good teamwork, organizational skills, punctuality, and their integrity and values. Your service alone is proof of how capable you are, not to mention the pivot you made from serving to civilian life. 

You know you can make BIG changes and chase BIG goals. It’s never too late to chase your dreams and listen to that small voice inside that says, “I think I want more in this life.”

Let’s talk about how to make it happen:

Practice confidence a little bit every day.

As you said, the “inner you” knows that you’re more than capable. It’s time to make that “inner” voice louder than the voice that is trying to tear you down. The antidote to insecurities is confidence, something women are often taught to keep small and quiet. For you, confidence will be the key to achieving your dreams! So it’s time to flex that confident, “inner you” voice by practicing.

Confidence is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Just like going to the gym, see if you can work your confidence muscle a little bit every day (or week!). Here are a few ways you can do that:

• Look at yourself in the mirror before you leave for work every day and repeat an affirmation, like “I am strong, smart, and capable.”
• Speak up in a meeting where you might normally stay silent.
• Celebrate your wins—yes, even the small ones!

Big changes start with small goals.

It sounds like you have spent some time daydreaming about big goals—that’s a great start! Buying a home and finding a new job (with a pay raise!) are beautiful dreams to work towards. But big goals don’t come true without small baby steps every day. Spend some time writing in your journal (or going for a walk and having a think) about what small steps are between here and there. 

For example, to save up to buy a home, start by opening a high-yield savings account (see advice on how to save for a home here!). Or to find a new job, start by updating your resume and making a profile on LinkedIn (here’s some more advice on finding a new job!). Breaking your big goal down into smaller steps means you can work towards those goals a little bit every day.

Call in some backup.

You are not alone in dreaming of a better life, and you don’t have to work towards your dreams alone. So many people in this community know that they want more, but aren’t sure what. Talk to the people in your life (your neighbors, coworkers, family members) about some of your dreams and ask about theirs. By sharing what you’re working towards with your community, you will inspire others to reach for their dreams, and you’ll get support from those you love to shoot for the stars. You never know when you may need a friend to remind you to be gentle with yourself as you work towards your goals. Or, maybe a friend of a friend will be hiring…and they’ll think of you!

Change is hard in the best of times. And with this economy and job market, it’s normal to feel frustrated or discouraged. But don’t give up. You can do this! The more you practice confidence and work towards your goals a little bit every day, the closer you will be to the life you’ve been dreaming of. I believe in you, and I think deep down, you believe in you, too.

With love,

Grace