BONUS! My teen son is going to be a parent. How do I deal with this as a single mom?
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Dear Grace,
My son is 15 years old and so is his girlfriend, she recently found out that she is pregnant. It has been very hard to take care of myself and my son. It’s just us 2 because his dad passed away when he was little. What is the best route I should take moving forward since she is keeping this baby?
– Very Unsure, Virginia
Hello again, Unsure!
Last month, I answered your letter about the dilemma you face as a parent and soon-to-be grandmother. With your son expecting his first child at 15, both of you (not to mention his girlfriend and her family) are having to think through questions you hadn’t planned to confront for at least another 10 years! Even though it might seem like you’re going through something totally unprecedented, there are plenty of other readers who have stood in your shoes or been a teen parent themselves.
Here is some more advice from people who know what you’re going through:
“Don’t forget that your team includes the mom-to-be and her family as well. All of you need to work together to do what is best for the two young people and the life they are bringing into the world.” (This was the most common piece of advice, so make sure you take this one to heart.)
“There are a lot of programs online to help out new parents. Diapers, formula, and more. A cool task to help him out is, both of you sit down at the table and both of you decide who looks up what and then compare your results. Being proactive can give him a way for him to help out even before the baby is born.”
“It might be a good idea to speak to their High School Psychologist and Guidance Counselor to help them with finishing school, jobs, and potential housing.”
“Be as supportive as you possibly can without doing everything for them. Let them parent the baby. I lived with my parents when my son was 5 months old until he was 2. While I know I was blessed that they let me live there, they thought my son was their son too. Let them discipline and make decisions on their own. You can offer advice but let them ultimately make the decision. Let them experience the joys, responsibility and trials of being parents.”
“I gave birth to my son a week before my 18th birthday, so I was a teen parent. Grace mentioned SNAP and TANF and I would like to add the WIC (women, infant, children) to the list of good resources. They provide milk, juice, eggs, and other food basics to pregnant mothers and when the baby comes they provide formula, baby cereals and juice. As the baby gets older, they get the same food as mom all the way until age 5 and that helps a LOT!! I also learned to go to the thrift stores for baby clothes instead of dropping money on brand new stuff that they would immediately outgrow. While it’s true that being a teen parent is hard, I would not change for me or my son. We have such a good relationship now and I feel like I can relate to him better than some other parents with their kids. I would suggest that both parents attend parenting classes, nutrition classes etc. I wish all of them the very best!”
You may still have a challenging road ahead, but hearing from these other readers who’ve traveled it before gives me even more hope that you, your son, and his new family will be just fine. We’re all wishing you the best, Grandma!
Grace and the Readers
