I’m working towards a promotion, but my bosses are waffling. How can I keep pushing without seeming selfish?

Dear Grace,

My job is really stressful. I love my job and I’m working towards a promotion but when I ask for it, they keep beating around the bush. How can I handle things in a way that won’t seem like I’m selfish?

– Tense in Texas

Dear Tense,

While I sense your frustration that you’re not getting the outcome you would like (for now), I want to begin by commending you for both being in a job you love, and also knowing your own worth enough to ask for more. Neither of these are easy to achieve and I think it’s remarkable that you have.

Now, as for what’s next on your list, here are some suggestions to help you get the position you’ve worked so hard for.

You’re smart to do this.

Asking for a promotion, raise, or even recognition at work isn’t being selfish—it’s being smart. So many of us (especially women) grew up thinking that ambition or tooting your own horn was a negative trait. Newsflash: It isn’t! One of my favorite sayings is, “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” A promotion means more money and advancing on a career path, which improves your family’s financial situation—not to mention, being satisfied at work can also benefit your mental and emotional health.

Be direct.

When your manager or supervisor gives you a non-answer to your request to move up, ask questions. You could say, “What would show you that I’m ready for a promotion?” or, “If now isn’t the right time, when is a good time to revisit this conversation?” You can also consider pitching your promotion based on what you could do for them. Share your plan for not just why you’re qualified, but how your promotion could help to solve company challenges. Is there a skill or leadership gap that you could fill? How would your boss’s job get easier if you were able to take on more responsibility? Making it clear that this promotion would be good for them could be the thing that finally gets them to stop beating around the bush.

Write things down!

After talking to your manager, write down a summary of what you talked about and what you decided; which duties your manager said they want to see you do more of and when you can plan to discuss the promotion again. Text or email it to them so that you have evidence of wanting to grow in your job. This will communicate to your manager that you’re committed to advancing—and also provide some accountability. If you find that despite jumping through these hoops you’re still not being promoted, there may be something else at play. You may find it helpful to seek help from Human Resources or consider whether you could achieve your goals more easily somewhere else.

Making the case for what we deserve doesn’t come naturally to most of us, Tense. I still have to psych myself up and remind myself, “You don’t get what you don’t ask for.”  I’m impressed and inspired to see you forging ahead, and I know there are bright things in your future as a result!

With love and encouragement, 

Grace