I finally got the help I needed, but I’m worried my family will judge me. Should I keep it from them?

Dear Grace,

I was a pretty blue kid, but my parents didn’t believe in therapy or counseling. My mental health got pretty bad after high school, so I went to my primary care doctor and got prescribed medication for depression and anxiety. I see a social worker for therapy once a month now, too. Since then, I really felt like the cloud had lifted. I feel more normal and better in my body. Dating is more fun, I don’t mind my job as much.

I think my family has noticed that I seem lighter, but they always make comments about medication being bad for you or how people shouldn’t rely on medication. I want to tell my parents and my sister that my meds and therapy really made me better, but I feel like they’ll judge me or shut me down. Should I just keep it to myself?

– Coming out of my funk in Forestburgh

Dear Coming Out of My Funk,

First, I just want to say—good for you. Asking for help is HARD, especially when we’re discouraged from a young age. I hear how hard things were for you growing up, and how much courage it took to seek out help on your own. Finding a doctor, starting medication, and showing up for therapy—those are acts of real bravery. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for doing the hard work of getting better.

I get why you’d want to share this part of your journey with the people you love. It’s natural to want to be understood and respected—especially by family. Here are some suggestions for how to approach a conversation with them:

You are in charge of your own body and health.

Remember that no matter what anyone says (even your family!), you are the expert on your own body and your own health. You made the choice to get help, and you have a team of professionals supporting that decision. If you do decide to talk with your family, go into the conversation grounded in that truth. You know what’s working for you. That’s not up for debate.

The times are a-changin’.

It sounds like your family loves you and cares about your well-being—they just may be carrying some outdated ideas about mental health. Judging people for getting the healthcare they need is not okay. Your family may not mean harm with their beliefs, but it does mean their comments can hurt, even if they don’t realize it. In fact, more than half of people with mental health conditions don’t get the help they need—often because of stigma, like the kind your family may not even realize they’re reinforcing. Our culture is slowly changing and has already come a long way from the days of labeling women “hysterical” and calling it a day. We are all learning to accept people for who they are and not to judge them for getting the care they need. Your family may be a bit behind the times, but a conversation with you might help catch them up.

Help your family learn how to love you better.

You know your situation best, Coming Out of My Funk. No matter how much of your healing journey you choose to share with your family, teaching them how to support you and your mental health better is a great idea. Share how much lighter you feel now, how dating and work are more enjoyable, how you finally feel more like yourself. A gentle way into the conversation might be: “I know you care about me, and I’d love to tell you more about what’s been helping me feel better lately.” Invite them to support you by telling them what you need from them, like, “I’m really proud of myself for getting the help I needed. I’d love it if you could be proud of me, too.”

I’m so sorry that your family wasn’t in a place where they could encourage you to get treatment earlier in your life, but as the old saying goes, “better late than never!” I’m overjoyed to hear that you feel more like yourself now that you’ve gotten the mental health treatment that you need.

With love,

Grace