I Just Had My Third Baby And Our Family Is Complete. How Do I Keep It That Way?
Dear Grace,
I’m a mom of 3, my youngest son was born this spring and I’m finally starting to feel like myself again postpartum. My husband and I agree that our family is complete and we’re not planning to have any more kids. I know my body and it’s telling me that I’m done. I keep hearing about laws that will restrict birth control – should I be stocking up? Should my husband get a vasectomy? I have no idea what my insurance will cover, where should I start?
– (Family) Planner in PA
Dear Family Planner,
Congrats on coming out the other side of postpartum life! I hope you’re enjoying all those new baby cuddles and you’re able to get (some) sleep.
It’s smart to be thinking about your family size now, Planner. No one should be in a position where they aren’t in control about decisions to expand their family. And you’re right – the laws governing reproductive care and choices across America are rapidly changing and differ from state to state. You and your husband deserve affordable access to the care you need.
I hear your stress, Planner, but before you load up at the pharmacy or send your husband for a snip, here are a few suggestions.
Talk to your doctors. Think of your family doctor, your OB/GYN, and your insurance provider(s) as your personal team (you’re the captain). These aren’t just people who you see here and there for care, they are a trusted go-to source of information around your health. They can offer up-to-date info on what medications are legal in your state, what’s covered under your insurance, and answer other questions that you have. Write down a few to ask them, including:
- Is my birth control pill at risk of becoming illegal in my state?
- Is there a back-up option available if it does become illegal?
- Which options does my insurance cover?
- Am I allowed to purchase more than one month of birth control at a time?
Keep in mind, the birth control pill is far from the only option you have, IUDs (intrauterine devices) and Nexplanon implants offer long-lasting birth control and help you avoid any legal flip-flopping that might happen in your state. See what restrictions might exist in your state here.
Ask your husband to talk to his doctor. The concerns around an unexpected pregnancy will affect both of you, so encourage him to talk to his doctor to learn how he can support your family planning. If the idea of a vasectomy makes him nervous, help him do some of his own research, like exploring online forums of people who can speak from personal experience. For most guys, this is an afternoon in front of the TV with an ice pack and a few days rest.
Create a game plan. Next, sit down with your husband and come up with a plan. Discuss what you learned, the pros and cons of different options, and how to best move forward together.
You’re being proactive and asking the right questions right now, Planner, and that’s going to set you and your family up for success in the long run. Unfortunately, there are millions of parents like you across the country who are planning their family’s growth (or not) based on changing regulations in their state. But remember, you have a say in what happens in your state, so get talking with other parents, community leaders, or folks in office to share your experience and tell them how to support families like yours.
I’m sending my best wishes to you and your whole family.
<3 Grace