I lost 100 pounds and STILL feel judged about my body. When will it end?

Dear Grace,

I’ve lost over 100lbs and I am at a healthy weight and a muscular build. I have some stubborn fat on my hips that won’t go away so my husband is supportive in my request to get liposuction in that area. I am so so excited, but having a hard time telling people without feeling bad (people thinking I’m “cheating” or taking the “easy road” when I’ve already done a ton of hard work, or people thinking I’m wasting money or just so privileged to have that money available). Any way for me to get over these feelings?

– Cosmetically Anxious in Arkansas

Dear Cosmetically Anxious,

First of all: WOW!

Congratulations on taking charge of your health, Anxious, losing 100 pounds is a massive achievement!  Every early morning workout and healthy menu option that you committed to deserves a standing ovation. 

I can understand your worry about how others will react to you taking “shortcuts” or the “easy road,”—folks can be extremely judgy——especially when it comes to weight and weight loss. But even if they think it—it doesn’t mean they are right, or that you have to pay them any mind. 

Here are some thoughts to navigate through this:

First and foremost, recognize that your journey is yours. Just as every individual’s struggle with weight is deeply personal, so is the decision to undergo cosmetic procedures. You’ve worked hard to take back your health and wellbeing, and this decision is simply another step on your path. Other people will always have something to say, but those judgments say a lot more about their own insecurities than they do about your health. Don’t let other people play the main character in your story.

Bask in your own glory. As I read your question, I could feel your pride in your weight loss and how far you’ve come. I’m sure it’s come with added bonuses, like feeling more energized and fit, not to mention being a perfect excuse to go on a little shopping spree. Take a moment to bask in that and remind yourself that YOU did this and YOU are empowered to make decisions about your body.

Call it like you see it. The last thing you need right now is unsupportive commentary, so if you hear it from people in your life, speak up. Setting boundaries doesn’t need to be overly dramatic. Calmly saying “I really don’t appreciate negative comments about my body or my decisions” should do the trick. If the comments persist, it may be time to take a break from those friendships or keep this information to yourself. No one is entitled to know or judge the choices you make about your body, so if you’re worried that your loved ones can’t show up supportively, consider leaving them out of the loop. 

Hold on to your excitement, Cosmetically Anxious. This isn’t just about changing your body, it’s about reclaiming your story. People around us will always have a hot take but remember, in your story, you’re both the author and the main character. So, write boldly and make decisions based on who you want to be, not who others expect you to be. And remember that you are fabulous at every size and shape!

Love,

Grace