I’m about to be my mom’s primary caregiver. How do I balance taking care of her with the rest of my life?

Dear Grace,

My mama is going to have surgery soon, and I will be her primary caregiver, so what is the best way for me to handle taking care of my mama, her house, myself, my dog, and still have time for my friends on social media?

– Getting Ready for a Big Change in Jacksonville, Florida

Dear Getting Ready,

First of all, your mama is so lucky to have you as a daughter. Caregiving is a big job, and one that so many women do for their family members across the country while still juggling their own responsibilities, other family needs, and the many tasks that keep a household running, all without pay or much support. It makes sense that you feel anxious about balancing this new responsibility with everything else going on in your life. I don’t know the details of your situation (how long you will be caregiving or what you have to give up in order to do it), but I do know this: Families and caregivers deserve support. No one who is stepping up to care for a loved one should have to sacrifice their well-being (financial or otherwise) to do so.

Here are some ideas for how to set you up for success:

Get organized.

Make a schedule for yourself and your mama. Try putting up a whiteboard that has your mama’s daily schedule: meals, medications, bathing, naps, and any bandage changes. Include in the schedule when you need to walk your dog or call a friend. Put together a binder that has your mama’s medical information, doctor’s phone numbers, and instructions for how to take care of her. Having everything written down will give both you and your mama a sense of routine and control. Once you have that system set up, it will be easier to ask for help, take breaks, and build time for yourself into your day.

Find a buddy who can help.

You can do a lot, but you can’t do everything alone. You’re human, and there will be times when you need to take a break. When your body and spirit are whispering, “I really need some me time,” listen! All too often, caregivers burn out from doing it all, 24/7. Avoid burning out by scheduling in that “me time.” Since you’ve already created your schedule and instructions binder, it’ll be easier to ask a neighbor, family member, or friend to step in…even if that just means sitting with your mama for a couple of hours to watch TV.

• Pro Tip:  If you can’t find anyone in your neighborhood or family to stop by and help out, try calling 2-1-1 for caregiver resources from United Way. They can help connect you with local caregiving resources.

Connect with other caregivers.

I’m so glad you have your friends from social media. Let them know what is going on, and don’t be afraid to ask for their support. Caregiving is a lot, and it can be hard to balance your own needs when you’re taking care of someone else’s so completely. My friends at AARP have some great resources to share: a caregiver online support group, a Facebook Group for family caregivers to share tips and advice, and a  “Family Caregiver Resource Guide” listed by state that includes options for financial assistance, legal support, and so much more.  Talking with other folks in your shoes will help you feel less alone, and your fellow caregivers will be able to give you all of the best tips and tricks for balancing it all.

You are entering a new chapter of your life and a new phase of your relationship with your mom. It’s okay if it’s a little clunky at first as you find your new normal. Your mom is so lucky to have a daughter like you, and this time you will spend together will no doubt strengthen your bond. Everybody deserves care, and public programs should support women like yourself who are stepping up to do that important work.

Caregiving is a big responsibility, but with a little organization, support, and a community of other caregivers, I have no doubt you’ll be able to balance both your mom’s needs and your own. Sending well-wishes to your mom on her recovery!

With love,

Grace