I’m grieving, and the waitlist for a therapist is a mile long. How do I get through this holiday season?

Hi Grace,

I lost a family member earlier this year, and I think it is going to make the holidays really hard. I got myself on a waiting list for a therapist I can afford, but I’ve been waiting months for a slot to open up. This grief and depression make it hard to do anything, and sometimes I just lie in bed all day crying. I want to get better, but I don’t know how. What do you suggest?

– Struggling outside of St. Pete

Dear Struggling,

Oh, friend. I wish I could give you a big hug. Losing someone you love can shake your whole world. You are not alone in facing depression and grief, and it often feels worse during holidays. We grow up seeing pictures of happy families, warm homes, and tables full of comfort food during this season. But the truth is, for many people, the holidays bring financial stress, grief, and loneliness. 

Here are some ways you—and others going through the same thing—can get through this hard time of year:

Don’t wait, get support now.

It’s so unfair that getting mental health care in this country is so hard (and expensive). You are doing everything right, and it’s not your fault that our health care system is so backed up. You may be hearing a depressed voice in your head, telling you that nothing will change and you shouldn’t try to get well. But you have already proved that voice wrong by writing in and signing up for therapy! Things will change, and you can get well. But you can’t do it alone.

While you are waiting to get off that therapy waitlist, here are other ways you can get support NOW:

• Go see a primary care doctor. They can prescribe medication for depression (you don’t need to go to a psychiatrist) that could help you get through this extra-hard season (You can use this search tool if you don’t already have one!).
• Check out the programs in your state. These hotlines connect you with help in the moment and guide you to longer-term support.
• Join a grief support group. You’ll meet people who understand what you’re going through. You can find virtual or in-person groups through NAMI here or check out Healthline’s suggestions here. 

Take care of your body.

When the days get darker and your grief feels heavy, you may want to stay in bed. But your loved ones would want you to be healthy and to find moments of peace. You can honor them by building and sticking to a routine. Taking care of your body will also help your mind. Try these habits:

• Get enough sleep, get out of bed when you wake up, and make your bed each day.
• Move your body until you sweat a few times a week. (A walk, a short workout video—anything counts.)
• Talk with someone you love on the phone or in person.
• Cook yourself meals that are tasty and nourishing.
• Dance to a favorite song. Studies show dancing really helps mental health! And it’s okay if you cry while you dance!

Make new traditions to honor those you’ve lost.

As you know, grief can hit harder during holidays. Instead of trying not to think about the people you’ve lost, create new traditions that honor them. Cook their favorite dish, spend time with someone close to them, or do something you know would make them proud. Let yourself miss them, talk about them, and grieve in your own way.

Everyone deserves access to affordable mental health care—whether you’re facing depression, grief, or holiday blues. I’m sorry this season is so heavy for you. Please be gentle with yourself. Care for your body, get support right away, and build new traditions that keep your loved ones close. And remember—you are not alone.

Sending love,

Grace