My husband insists on handling the finances, and I’m constantly left out. How do I get control over my own $?

Dear Grace,

I am in an 18-year-long marriage and I am not on any of our vehicle loans, I’m not on any of my husband’s checking accounts and I have no access to any of our money. My husband is adamant that I don’t have access to any money because I don’t work. He controls all of it and I am left out of every decision to be made. I am tired of living this way and I don’t know what to do.

– Locked Out in Lakeview

Dear Locked Out,

I am so sorry for the pain this situation has caused you, and I want to assure you that you’re not alone. Your situation is all too common for so many women, even in 2025. I hear loud and clear that you’re determined to make a change, and I commend you for having the confidence and courage to take these steps. 

I’m so glad you wrote to me, Locked Out, and I want to help you get the financial freedom you deserve. Here are some ways to take that first step. 

Call it what it is. 

As I mentioned, this is a very common situation—so much so, in fact, that it has a name: financial abuse. You can find a national hotline and resources to take back control at the link above, or by texting START to 88788. The hotline and resources are safe and discreet, and most of the help is low-cost or free. Because financial abuse sometimes goes hand in hand with other forms of abuse, please contact a hotline if you feel your safety is threatened and call 911 if you’re in immediate danger. 

Talk to a friend or someone you trust. 

Financial abuse is sometimes called “invisible abuse,” meaning it leaves no marks, bruises, or other obvious signs. From the outside, your life may look like nothing’s wrong, but without control over your finances, you aren’t fully able to make your own decisions or keep yourself safe. To make the changes you want to make, you’re going to need some support. Share what’s been going on with someone you trust and see how they might be able to help out with advice, getting you your own bank account, or just lending an ear. You need an ally, and may even need a safe space to go if things between you and your husband get tense as a result. 

Open accounts in your name. 

Even if you hardly have any money to deposit, start by opening a bank account and credit card in your name. You can even do this online with some banks if getting out of the house is an issue. There are also credit cards available to you, even without a credit history. Building your personal credit score doesn’t take much, and can be the thing that gives you control over your life again. Check out more advice for keeping your credit healthy and how to start saving your own money here.

If you find your lack of previous credit history is an issue, see if you can get a parent or sibling to (quietly) cosign a card or account for you, or see if there’s a local credit union that you’re eligible to join. Credit unions often have no-fee bank accounts and resources for people just getting started. You deserve the freedom to make your own decisions and be in charge of your own life. Having an account in your name and building your own credit are important tools to get you there.

I’m really proud of you, Locked Out. Change is hard for everyone, but you have found the strength to make a shift in your life and create a financial future on your own terms. You deserve this—and I have no doubt in my mind that you can do it.

With love and admiration,

Grace