My husband is getting into some crazy theories. How do I keep him grounded?

Dear Grace,

My husband keeps getting into conspiracy theories. They never turn out to have truth behind them. He makes fun of some and falls into others. I’ve just gotten to a place where I ignore him when I noticed that he’s starting to share them with the kids 10 and 7 as if they could be fact. He always prefaces it with “some people are saying” but I find myself speaking up and reminding everyone to look at it critically. Any other options?

– “Out There” in Ohio

Dear Out There,

Yeesh—I can tell this dynamic is stressing you out and creating some issues at home. While I generally support letting folks march to the beat of their own drummer, you want to at least know that you’re playing in the same band. Since you and your husband are constantly setting an example for your kids, I agree that this feels like the right time to get on the same page about how to move forward. Growing up in 2024 is different from growing up any other time in history—there is so much information (and MISinformation) thrown at us at all times, that one of the crucial lessons for kids is how to sort the clickbait (or even full-blown conspiracy) from the truth. 

Misinformation and conspiracy theories are a real problem in our media right now, and the truth is, it’s much easier to prevent them from taking hold than to root them out once someone is a believer. That doesn’t mean that finding common ground is impossible, but it does mean that you have to approach it with care. Here’s my advice for how to keep your husband grounded so you all march to a similar drum. 

Listen to his concerns. This isn’t a case of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” but you can’t help him find his way if you don’t understand what steered him off track. One mistake that lots of people in your shoes make is approaching their loved one with judgment and eye-rolling, and trying to prove them wrong. Instead, ask him questions about his concerns and really listen to the “why” behind them. At their core, lots of the popular theories circulating on the internet start from values that most of us share—a concern for children’s wellbeing or wanting our government to be truly accountable to the people—and even though they go off the rails later on, at least you can appreciate the basic values that appealed to him at the start. Immediately poking holes in his ideas will only make your husband dig his heels in further, and make him feel like you’re against him, rather than trying to understand. 

Find common ground. Part of making sure you guys are on the same page about the world around you and the example you’re setting for your kids is establishing what you do agree on. Since you all are married with two lovely kids, I’m sure that there are plenty of values you share, which are good to revisit and keep front-and-center. This is also a good chance to draw some boundaries around your kid-friendly discussion, so you can be confident that your kids aren’t getting exposed to potentially harmful narratives or misleading ideas. 

Help him connect with experts. One way you can help your husband come back down to earth is to help him connect with real experts or organizations working on the cause he cares about. For instance, if he’s worried that our election system isn’t fair, help him get involved with your local county clerk to learn about the way elections are managed and monitored. Feeling like he’s part of a team and supporting a solution can make it easier for him to adjust his understanding without feeling any shame or embarrassment. 

Teach your kids to read and watch carefully. Critical thinking skills are important for everyone, but especially for kids growing up in the age of a 24/7 onslaught of information. Make an effort to include your kids in conversations about information that you’re consuming so that you can set an example for how to process it and determine what is trustworthy. This might look like pausing when you see something outrageous on social media (like a rumor that a famous athlete is actually a lizard in disguise) to say “hmm, that sounds pretty wild” and doing a little homework together. Ask:

1. Is this source trustworthy? Where are they getting their information? 
2. Does the headline or sound bite really tell the whole story, or is there more nuance here? 
3. Does the story immediately make me feel upset or outraged? That’s usually a sign of clickbait, so read carefully!

Walking through that process with your kiddos will make it second-nature, and help them avoid getting duped in the future. And if your husband is in the room for these conversations, all the better—it sounds like they are lessons that he could learn from as well!

I feel for you, Out There, and know that this must be a tough dynamic to deal with on a day-to-day basis. The truth about disinformation and conspiracies is that anyone can be taken in—it doesn’t make you stupid or ignorant if you find yourself in a rabbit hole, it just makes you human. It takes work to make sure you and your family all stay on the same (realistic) page, but I believe in you! 

Rooting for you!

Grace