My kid is the world’s pickiest eater! What can we do?

Dear Grace,

How do you get your kids to eat more than just yogurt, chicken nuggets, French fries and potato chips? My son is 7. One day he woke up and just decided he didn’t like anything he was eating (which was everything we gave him). He was 5 when this happened. I try to get him to eat other foods but every time I try to talk to him about it he just gags and does all kinds of whining to the point where he almost makes himself throw up. I am at my wit’s end honestly. My husband isn’t any help either, he just caves and gives my son chicken nuggets whenever he asks. I’m super frustrated and confused about where this could have come from—he is homeschooled and has never been to any kind of daycare, so he doesn’t spend that much time with other kids his age. I don’t know if that experience could have impacted his eating behavior, any advice? 

– Dying Over Here in Durham

Dear Dying Over Here,

Boy do I know this dance well! Most parents have had to deal with picky eating at some point. Making sure a child eats at all—while also trying to get them to eat well—can tie any parent into knots. Meals with your family should feel like opportunities to connect and share, not like a battle of “or else” statements, yelling, and flying food. I promise, you’re not alone in this mealtime struggle. 

As a member of  the “been there” club, I have a few suggestions for you to try that have helped turned the tide at our table: 

Get on the same page with your husband. If you both want to help your son get past his pickiness, you need to have each other’s backs. Make a plan of action with your husband. I understand your frustration, but it’s important that you talk through it and make a plan that you can both commit to in order to make any real progress. Agree on the steps you will take if your son refuses to eat, and then vow to stick to it, no exceptions. If you can, arrange it so that you’re together the first couple of mealtimes, so your son experiences you taking turns following the new plan—and backing each other up when you do. 

Pro Tip: Being on the same page about meals also means coordinating how you approach snacks. A picky kid who already filled up on goldfish is very different from one who has worked up their appetite!

Introduce new foods alongside foods he likes. Pair a new vegetable, like cream corn or carrots, with a familiar favorite, like chicken nuggets. Seeing you’re not taking away his go-to foods may give him the stability he needs to try something new. Make the portions small at first so he doesn’t get overwhelmed and can slowly adjust. Not every meal needs to turn into a food fight, rest assured that he’ll get the range of nutrition he needs over the course of a week, especially as you work in some new menu items.

Give him a choice of new foods to try. No one, kid or adult, likes to feel out of control or powerless. While, in reality,  you are in charge of his menu, letting him choose between a few mom-approved options for dinner can help him get on board with trying something outside his comfort zone. Putting it to him as, “Tonight you can have your chicken with corn or peas, which do you want?” can make him feel like he’s got some control over his dinner and minimize tantrums. 

I know that, over time and with support from your husband, your son will develop healthier, more balanced eating habits. I’m sending you all my best wishes for nugget-free dinners without ultimatums or tantrums. You will get there, I promise! 

With love and so much understanding,

Grace