Now that my kids are teens, I’m so lonely. How do I shake this?

Dear Grace,

How do I shake being so lonely? I put so much into my kids, but now they are teenagers who are old enough to do their own thing. I work from home, but I don’t talk to my coworkers much. I never leave the house…I’m just working and doing chores alone. I hate who I am becoming! Help!!!

– Painfully Lonely in Pennsylvania

Dear Painfully Lonely,

First, take a breath—and be gentle with yourself. Feeling lonely after your kids grow up is completely normal, one of the most common (and least talked about) experiences in motherhood. Millions of moms pour everything into raising their children, and when those kids start doing their own thing, it can feel like losing a piece of yourself.

The U.S. Surgeon General has even named loneliness one of America’s biggest health crises — so if you’re feeling lost, just know that nothing is wrong with you. You’re human. And here’s what I need you to hear: this is not permanent. Connection and meaning are still ahead of you.

Rediscover who you are beyond “Mom.”

Hobbies aren’t frivolous—they’re how you find yourself (and your people).

What did you love before life got so busy? Did you use to go to the movies, sing, garden, or do a craft? Now is the time to come back to those things—or discover brand new ones. Community centers, libraries, and YMCAs offer free or low-cost classes in everything from painting to pilates. These aren’t just a fun way to get to know the new you, they also put you in the same room as other women who are also looking for connection. Get to know yourself and get to know other women who share your interests.

Take care of the body you live in.

Self-care is self-love—and it leads to real friendships.

Making and sticking to a routine while you work from home is an important way to take care of your mental health. Start small: a 10-minute walk before work, a break for gentle stretching, or a healthy meal for lunch. Studies show that movement genuinely lifts your mood—plus, it’s a fun way to meet people! Walking groups, fitness classes, and your local YMCA are great places to meet acquaintances that turn into friends. And when you start showing up for your body, you start feeling like someone worth showing up for.

Give your time to something that matters to you.

Volunteering is one of the best cures for loneliness.

Showing up for others gets you out of your head, out of your home office, and into your community. Think about what you care about (animals, kids, food insecurity) and find a way to help. VolunteerMatch.org lets you search by zip code and interest. A few hours a week can give your days real purpose and introduce you to people who share your passion.

You gave your kids roots. Now it’s time to give yourself wings. The first step in changing your life is recognizing what isn’t working—you’ve already done that! Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with small, intentional steps: Signing up for a class, introducing yourself to a neighbor, and showing up to a local community event. You deserve joy, connection, and adventure. Now is your time to go after it!

With encouragement, 

Grace