Am I being overprotective by homeschooling my daughter?

Dear Grace,

With all the craziness going on in the world I’m too scared to send my daughter to school, so I homeschool her. Some family members are not happy about my decision and stated that I’m robbing her from her childhood education and social life. The school that she would be attending just had a bomb threat “hoax” yesterday. Am I being too overprotective by homeschooling her?

– Concerned in Centreville

Dear Concerned,

Setting aside your question for a moment—whether or not you’re being overprotective in choosing to homeschool your child—I want to start by reaffirming what you may already know: You are absolutely not alone in your feelings of concern about gun violence, especially in schools. It’s a heartbreaking reality that we find ourselves in, and as parents, we have to find the best way to deal with an impossible situation. 

You need to do what’s right for you and for your daughter, and some days there won’t be any easy answers. Still, I have a few suggestions for making a complicated situation a little clearer. 

You’re the mom. I’m sure your family is just expressing their concern, but you’re the parent here and it’s OK to remind them of that. It’s your duty to make choices for your daughter that you’re comfortable with. Until we see real change to the pattern of gun violence in America, I think we all have a reason to be nervous. That reality is difficult enough for you and your daughter to navigate without having others butt in, however well-intentioned. You can thank them for their concern and reassure them you’ve thought about all the angles, while at the same time setting a clear boundary by letting them know this is not up for discussion. 

Know the risks. Your family may not be communicating it in the best or nicest way, but they’re right that homeschooling comes with a few challenges and concerns. In addition to kids potentially missing out on social experiences, they may also miss key curriculum that comes from having access to a wide variety of teachers and teaching styles. 

It’s also important to recognize that the adults in a school also function as an additional layer of protection for kids: they’re trained to keep an eye out for any signs of abuse or mental health issues and to step in if necessary to keep kids safe. I’m not suggesting that you yourself would ever knowingly put your daughter at risk, but the unfortunate reality is that it can be hard to recognize warning signs, even when they’re right in front of us. As you get ready to start homeschooling, I recommend speaking with your child’s pediatrician about warning signs and key growth milestones for the next year so that you can recognize if something’s not right and address it. 

Get involved with other homeschoolers. Homeschooling is often most successful when parents make sure their homeschooled kids have active communities they regularly participate in. Connect with local homeschooling or “unschooling” cooperatives. They’re a great resource for you and your daughter—not just for education support but also to find nearby social activities and opportunities, like field trips, that build out a well-rounded learning experience and become core memories she’ll treasure for years. 

Making decisions for our kids’ education and safety are some of the hardest things we do as parents—and this combines both! It’s not easy. Your love for your daughter comes through loud and clear in your question, Concerned, and I know you’ll make the decision that is best for you both.

All my love,

Grace