Ask The Readers: My jealous ex showed up at work. How do I handle this?
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Dear Readers,
I finally got my jealous ex OUT of my life. Last week he showed up as a new employee at my job. How do I handle this?
– Peeved in Poughkeepsie
Dear Peeved,
Ask The Readers is your regular chance to grab the mic and give advice to other readers in our community. Each piece of advice we share comes from a different thoughtful reader. Keep an eye out for more juicy questions and answers!
YIKES, Peeved! Our hearts went out to you immediately when we read your question. Unfortunately, lots of us have had similar experiences and can appreciate how sensitive this new workplace dynamic might be. While you are ultimately the best judge of the situation, here is some advice to keep in mind:
“First and foremost, I like that you finally got your jealous ex out of your life! I would keep a safe distance with healthy boundaries up and stay professional. If your ex starts to show their jealous tendencies I would alert your supervisor—especially if you feel at all threatened. You deserve a safe workplace! Hopefully your ex will stay in their lane.”
“Go straight to your boss and explain the situation and how this guy treated you, so if he begins harassing you at work your boss has a heads up. Get a restraining order against the guy so that he is not allowed to come anywhere near you at work or anywhere else. You worked at this place first, so that should protect your position there.”
“Rise above it and treat him no differently than anyone else. So what if he is your ex? You have moved on, and he isn’t worth your time or energy. Treat him with kindness and then let out your frustration when you’re alone.”
“I would do my job as normal. If he has an issue, it will eventually be found out by other employees. I would, however, let the appropriate personnel know if he tries to bother you or you feel threatened.”
“Change jobs? Get a restraining order? You’ve got to show him you are serious. There are people who harm others when they are jealous. I’ve discovered in my 71 years that those who are jealous are also possessive.”
“I would be very careful of your surroundings in case he is stalking you. Document everything including using witnesses about his behavior around you. This is what law enforcement will ask about if you report him as a stalker. Better to be safe than sorry! Of all the jobs out there, you have to ask yourself why did he choose my place of employment??”
“Are you in the same part of the office?? If so, maybe switch jobs within the company? I personally would start looking for a better job. Better being the operative word.”
“Immediately tell your supervisor before your ex manipulates your bosses into thinking that you were the crazy one and turn them against you. It sounds irrational, but I promise you that it’s not out of the question. I know because I literally experienced the same thing. It’s against the law to fire either of you for personal matters but it’s a conflict of interest and one of you could either be demoted or moved to another department. You want to be the one they support. “
Whether you choose to take this issue straight to your supervisor or law enforcement, or to wait and see how things go, remember that your safety and comfort at work should ALWAYS come first. You exited this person from your life for a reason and we all agree that you deserve to move on in peace.
Sending all our love,
The Readers
