How do I talk about politics in this climate?

Dear Grace,

Do you feel that there is a way for people with different political views to get along? It’s getting really bad in this country. The meanness and hate is becoming life-ruining for some. I personally know people who have been beaten for their views or voicing their choice and or opinion. Marriages have broken up, stalking and gaslighting are the norm with some. Any light you could shed without starting WWIII would be appreciated.

– Nervous in NY

Dear Nervous in NY,

First off I want to say—you’re right. Political division in our country has gotten way out of hand and you’re not the only one who is nervous about it. The “meanness and hate” you’re talking about has led to some scary situations for elected officials, but it’s not just presidential candidates and representatives who are experiencing threats. Many of our community members are experiencing them too—our teachers, librarians, parents, and neighbors.

All of the finger-pointing and name-calling that we see on TV, on social media, and even in our daily lives distracts us from an important truth: we are all on the same team. As Americans, we have so much more in common than today’s climate suggests. Instead of laying “gotcha” traps for people who think differently than we do, it’s up to each of us to approach disagreements with the compassion and understanding we want in return. 

Here’s my advice for how to put that compassion into action:

Embrace being human. We are all works in progress, Nervous, and none of us know everything. It’s okay to change our minds as we learn more information or even realize that we’re wrong. With so much misleading and flat-out false information swirling in our never-ending news cycle, don’t beat yourself up if you find out something you read or heard isn’t true. We’re all doing our best to make sense of what is going on in the news and figure out how we feel about it.

• Pro Tip: If this sounds easier said than done, that’s because it is. Our brains are wired to defend our point of view, and confronting new information or having a change of heart can feel uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing. So if you’re feeling a little antsy, remember that this feeling is part of being human. There are plenty of worse things to be than wrong, Nervous. 

Watch out for red flags. It’s one thing to disagree, but a totally different thing to make it physical. Political violence is a no-go. If someone you know starts talking about threatening, intimidating, or even hurting an elected official or others in the community based on how they plan to vote, shut it down. It’s our responsibility to remind our friends and neighbors that this kind of violence is un-American. In this country, we make decisions by making sure all voices are heard, not strong-arming our way to victory.

• Pro Tip: If you see someone being harassed or looking uncomfortable, remember that you have the power to step in and stand up to bullies. If you’re not sure how, this resource has 5 ways you can respond and help make your community safer: Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay, or Direct.

Get involved. Despite the division we’re seeing in our country right now, there are some things we can ALL agree on. We all believe in an America by, for, and of the people, which means preserving our right to vote, our right to a free and fair election, and the peaceful transfer of power. Find ways to support the process by helping out at a polling location or helping folks check their voter registration. 

If you’re headed for what feels like a tough conversation and need some tips on how to keep it from turning into an argument, check out my advice for Family Peacekeeper in Ft. Lauderdale. 

Our democracy isn’t just built on a few sheets of paper. It relies on our respect for each other and commitment to putting that respect, and our love of country, ahead of our personal wants and opinions. At the end of the day, we each have a duty to make sure that America is the land of the free, not a country where we target each other for our beliefs. 

I want you to be safe, Nervous. And I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the bitterness and intensity of the political climate. But you are also not alone in wanting people with different political views to get along and build a better country together. I’m wishing you the best and hoping there are many compassionate conversations in your future.

Grace