Am I up-tight for not wanting to go on a clothing-optional vacation?

Dear Grace,

My husband of 5 years wants me to go to a clothing-optional resort. He is a big womanizer and has always had a tendency to flirt, even when I ask him not to. It hurts me that he says and does things flirting with strangers that he never did with me. The green eyed monster is starting to come out. What do I do?

– Not Yet Naked and Afraid in New Castle

Dear Not Yet Naked and Afraid,

Let me start by thanking you for “baring all” of your feelings with me, and assure you that you’re not being unreasonable. Many of us would be just as uncomfortable in your position. While I admire the adventurous spirit of others, a clothing-optional resort—in my opinion—is a waste of a cute outfit. 

But you’re not planning a vacation with me. So, what do you do to get on the same page of the travel guide with your husband?

Ask that your boundaries be respected. It seems like there’s a couple of issues at play here, but the first is that this resort is out of your comfort zone, and your husband is not hearing this concern. Tell him that you really want to go away and spend time with him, but that it has to be fun for both of you, otherwise it will be fun for neither of you. A clothing-optional resort is literally the last resort for you, so ask him to respect that. 

Find a compromise. Your vacation conversation doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) end with a single veto. Instead, use this as a starting point to come up with a new plan together. Talk about what your getaway goals are: relaxation or adventure? City or country? What are some activities that you like doing together, or places you always talk about seeing? Even the act of planning, if you both have positive attitudes, can foster a feeling of connection and intimacy that you can bring with you on vacation. 

Get to the root of your feelings. I can definitely understand how a clothing-optional vacation might stir up some jealousy. It also doesn’t escape me that you see your husband putting on moves with strangers that he doesn’t put on for you. Why do you think that is? Take some time to think about what would make you feel more loved and wanted in your relationship and share that with him. You deserve to feel special in your relationship and this could be your chance to spice things up. 

Whether it’s planning a getaway or untangling the thornier issues, communication is always key. Being honest with our partners and ourselves about what we want can make us feel as vulnerable and awkward as being naked itself. But, Not Yet Naked, I can assure you that the rewards are worth it. 

Love, 

Grace