Ask The Readers: How do I stop comparing myself to other women?

Dear Grace,

How do I stop comparing myself to others? I think I’m happy and doing well, but then I see other women who are making more money than me, already married, own a home, have kids, and I feel like I’m behind. What should I do?

– Falling Behind in Fredericksburg

Dear Falling Behind,

Ask The Readers is your regular chance to grab the mic and give advice to other readers in our community. Each piece of advice we share comes from a different thoughtful reader. 

Did you miss giving your advice for this question? Scroll to the bottom to give your answer to the next one.

I recently asked our community to give you advice on how to stop comparing yourself to others, but the thing is, you’re not the only one who needs it. Social media is a minefield for comparison. Sometimes I forget that behind every beautiful family photo, gorgeous vacation album, or perfectly planned event are struggles that we don’t know about. When all we see online is people looking perfect, it’s easy to get upset when we don’t feel perfect. 

Here is some advice from me and from women across the country for how to stop yourself from getting caught up in the “comparison” game:

Connect with other women.

Talk to them about what you’re proud of and what you’re insecure about and ask them to do the same. Celebrate your wins together (even if they are small or different) and share the burden of grief, too. You’ll see that everyone has their own challenges and the grass isn’t always greener.

• “It is completely natural to feel this way, especially when major life milestones seem to cluster together for the people around you. You are not behind; you are simply on your own timeline. Life does not have a standard checklist of marriage, house, and kids that must happen by a certain age. Hidden struggles exist. You see the bank account, the ring, or the house, but you do not see the debt, the relationship stress, or the personal sacrifices it took to get them. More options mean more timelines: Modern adulthood allows you to build a custom life path rather than following a rigid script” – Anonymous Reader

Tune out anything that puts you down or makes you feel less than.

There are so many fancy celebrity influencers posting about their mansions and their plastic surgeries. If that kind of stuff makes you feel bad (or behind), then unfollow or mute those accounts. Plenty of influencers and companies make more money when they make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t fall into their trap!

• “Notice exactly when the “I’m behind” feeling hits. Is it scrolling Instagram? Talking to a specific friend? Going to family gatherings? Mute or limit exposure: Cultivate digital boundaries. Unfollow or mute accounts that trigger inadequacy, and redirect that time to activities that make you feel capable.” – Anonymous Reader

Focus on what you’re grateful for.

When you focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have, everything feels a little sunnier. Try making a gratitude list at the beginning of the day, or counting your blessings at the end of the night. 

• “Regularly list what you have right now that you used to pray for. This keeps your brain anchored in abundance. Define your own “enough.” – Anonymous Reader

I’m going to try my best not to compare myself to others anymore, either. We’re in this together!

Love, 

Grace and the Readers