Ask The Readers: My daughter refuses to wear a bra and it’s…noticeable. Do I say anything?
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Dear Grace,
My adult(ish) daughter won’t wear a bra. She has a large chest and it’s definitely noticeable, even wearing big sweaters. I feel people are treating her differently because of this and I’ve seen the dirty looks she gets.
How can I bring this up and persuade her that wearing a bra will make a difference? I’ve tried to make gentle hints, but I wonder if I should just keep to myself. I worry that her self esteem is going to take a hit, what should I do?
– Awkward in Arizona
Dear Awkward,
Ask The Readers is your regular chance to grab the mic and give advice to other readers in our community. Each piece of advice we share comes from a different thoughtful reader. Keep an eye out for more juicy questions and answers!
Hundreds of your fellow readers weighed in with advice for you and your daughter. Take a look at what they had to say:
“You say your daughter is “adultish,”so I’m going to assume she is probably 17 or 18–almost an adult, yet not quite. At that age, she is still a child. Instead of telling her what you think she should do, ask her why she doesn’t wear a bra. She may have a reason that you haven’t thought of or need help finding something that’s comfortable. Now if she is actually an adult, then my question is: if the stares don’t bother her, why do they bother you?”
“I remember the 60s and 70s. No one will die from letting it all hang out. She will probably go back to bras anyway. I wouldn’t sweat it. She’ll outgrow it more than likely.”
“You need to communicate gently and lovingly how you feel about the jiggly problem, which may or may not be a problem to your daughter. Perhaps an appointment with a professional bra fitter and her choice of bras would help, because it can be a difficult contraption. Make it fun, take her to lunch, and go to the mall to find a bra together.”
“I can understand if your daughter doesn’t want to wear a bra, they aren’t comfortable for everyone. Maybe she can try an alternative method like a sports bra or nipple covering, they have plenty of solutions for this kind of thing. Instead of asking her to wear a bra, just have her use an alternative option and tell her why you are suggesting her to do so. I’m sure she would appreciate it and understand. If she still isn’t interested, that’s okay. As long as she’s comfortable, that’s all that matters. Some people just have to deal with how people choose to live their lives.”
“As someone with big breasts, I would say that, first, she needs to be happy with her body. She got her big breast for FREE, no breast surgery. She should go get fitted for a bra. The right size bra makes a big difference. She is probably not comfortable with bras she has been wearing. As someone who wears a 32F or 32G, I can tell you how hard it is to find a good bra. If bras are not her thing, she could try nipple covers. They come in all sizes and colors. I love them and wear them when I want to go braless. I hope this helps.”
Hi! It’s Grace. Lots of readers wrote in advice about breast health and how wearing a bra while you’re young can keep your chest looking and feeling youthful as you get older. Unfortunately, there’s not any real science to back that up. Our bodies change as we age, no matter what bra we choose to wear (or not)! So instead of fighting the sag, let’s just normalize that boobs come in all shapes and sizes. The important thing isn’t how they look, it’s how we feel.
Sending you and your daughter all our love!
The Readers
