My daughter is dating a man from another country. How do I host them without putting my foot in my mouth?

Dear Grace,

My daughter has started dating a young man from Russia. She likes him a lot, and we are having him over for dinner soon. I’ve never met anyone from Russia, but it seems like it’s pretty rough over there. Any advice for what to do or not do to make a good impression?

– Don’t Want To Be An Embarrassing Mom, in Memphis

Dear Don’t Want to Be An Embarrassing Mom,

First of all, you are already a great mom (and a great hostess!), just for asking. The fact that you want to make this young man feel welcome says everything about the kind of woman you are. You may have seen Russia in the news recently, so it makes sense that it’s on your mind. But here’s the thing: there is a whole world of Russian culture—the food, the music, the jokes, the way every day families pull together—that never makes the news. There’s always more to a person than the headlines about their country. Lead with curiosity, not worry, and you will be just fine.

Talk to your daughter first.

Before the big dinner, sit down with your daughter and ask her: “Is there anything I can do to make him feel more at home?” She knows him. She may tell you he loves a certain kind of food, or that he’s nervous too, or that there’s a topic of conversation to steer clear of. This also shows your daughter that you are in her corner. That means the world to a kid, no matter how old she gets.

Do a little research.

You don’t need a college degree to show someone you care—you just need a little curiosity. Head to your local library and pick up a book or magazine about Russian culture, history, or food. Ask the librarian for help—that’s what they’re there for, and they love this kind of request. Even spending 20 minutes reading up will help you ask thoughtful questions, like: What part of Russia are you from? What did your family cook at home? What do you miss most? People light up when someone takes a real interest in where they come from.

Trying your best doesn’t mean being perfect.

Here’s the truth: you might say something a little awkward. We all do. If that happens, just smile, say “I’m so sorry, I’m still learning,” and keep moving. A sincere apology goes a long way. Kindness and respect are felt across every culture and every language. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show up willing to learn. Putting in the effort to make him feel comfortable goes a long way, even if you put your foot in your mouth accidentally during the process. At the end of the day, most families care about the same things: feeling welcomed, sharing a meal, and knowing someone is trying their best.

Putting in the effort to learn and grow is an act of love, Mama. For your daughter, for her young man, and for yourself. By talking to your daughter, reading up on his culture, and apologizing if you accidentally step in it, you will be showing both your daughter and her young man that you really care.

With love,

Grace