I’m getting married soon. Should I change my name?

Dear Grace,

I’m getting married, but on the fence about changing my name. I’d love to have the same name as my husband and my future kids, but it seems like a headache with all of the paperwork and fees. And I heard it could make it harder to vote…is that true? What is your advice?

– Fiancée on the Fence

Dear Fiancée on the Fence,

First of all—congratulations! You found your person, and that is worth celebrating. Now you’ve got a big decision on your hands, and I want you to know: you are not alone in wrestling with this one. Changing your name after marriage is one of the most personal choices a woman can make. I can’t tell you what to do—this is your choice alone. But I can give you all the information you need to make the right decision for YOU. So let’s get into it, Fiancée on the Fence.

Changing your name takes time, money, and a good checklist.

You’re right about the headache, paperwork, and fees. Changing your name is a process—and it has to happen in a specific order. Skip a step or do them out of order, and you’ll end up going back to square one. Each step can take days or even weeks to process. That means you should not start this process right before a big trip—if your passport says one name and your driver’s license says another, you’ll have trouble traveling.

Depending on your state, the whole thing can cost anywhere from $50 to $500.  If you are organized and have a printer and a post office nearby, you can do it yourself. If you’d rather hand it off, there are services that handle it for you — for a fee. If you end up choosing to change your last name, The Knot has a great name change checklist here that walks you through every step, in order.

Sharing a last name can make your family feel like a unit.

There is something deeply meaningful about sharing a name with the people you love most. It can feel like a declaration—we belong to each other. And on the practical side, sharing a last name makes life a little smoother, especially once kids come along. School forms, medical records, travel documents—it’s just one less thing to explain.

That said, Fiancée on the Fence, your family is your family, no matter what your ID says. To avoid the paperwork, some women keep their maiden name on official documents and go by their husband’s last name socially—and that works just fine. Your husband could also take your name. You could hyphenate. The point is: do what feels right for you and your family, not what feels expected.

It’s always a good idea to stay up to date on your voter registration.

You are smart to be concerned about how changing your name could impact your right to vote. I did some research and learned that there is a new bill that is going through Congress right now called the SAVE Act that would make some big changes to how voter registration works. According to Vote.org, if this bill passes, voters will need additional documents if the name on their ID doesn’t match the name on their birth certificate. That includes the 69 million married women who changed their names after tying the knot. For women who change their names after marriage, it’s one more administrative detail they need to stay on top of. As you’re making your decision, head to Vote.org to learn more about how this bill would impact you if it passes.

Your vote is your voice, so I understand why you might be concerned. Whatever you decide, keep your identification documents up to date and stay on top of voting requirements in your state to make sure your voice is heard. Don’t be afraid to get creative as you consider your options. And whatever you decide, Fiancée on the Fence, we are cheering you on!

Love,

Grace