I’m recently divorced and have no idea how to date or flirt!

Dear Grace,

I just got out of a long-term relationship of 24 years. Went through a horrible divorce. Now I am single, starting to just heal from it. I feel lost. I don’t know how to date or flirt with anyone anymore. Do they even go on normal dates like in the 90’s, or is it only hookups? Which I don’t want!

So, where do I even start looking for another partner?

– Broken Beki in Mariposa

Dear Beki,

First, take a breath. You’re not broken. You’ve walked out of a 24-year relationship and a painful divorce—no wonder you feel lost. This is a tender moment, and your only job right now is to heal. Give yourself the space to rest, rebuild your routines, and reconnect with the parts of yourself that got buried over the years.

You’re not alone in feeling confused with today’s online dating, hook-up culture, and “Netflix and chill” instead of dinner and a movie. This reader, in her 60s, recently asked about dating later in life, and I gave advice here about how to meet people in person. Plenty of women on the other side of healing from loss, divorce, or heartbreak find their next great love. You can too, once you’re ready.

Know your worth and don’t settle.

As you heal, I want you to remember this: you are worthy of love that is kind, respectful, and consistent. You don’t need to settle out of loneliness, fear, or pressure to “get back out there.” You bring wisdom, humor, life experience, and resilience to the table—more than you probably give yourself credit for. When you eventually date again, the right person will honor that. You’re not auditioning, and you’re not trying to be 25 again. You’re showing up as the strong, grounded woman you are now. Think of romance like a dinner roll on the side—nice to have, but not the whole meal. The main course is your friendships, your interests, your home, your peace, your joy. Build a life so rich and full that anyone you eventually let in feels like an addition, not a lifeline.

Start by making new friends.

I’ve always thought that love is strongest when friendship is the foundation. So when you’re ready to meet people again, start with warm, low-pressure places: community classes, local events, volunteer groups, book clubs, gardening groups, walking groups, or anything that genuinely interests you. These spaces bring you around people who share your values without the pressure of calling it “dating.” Dating might look a little different than it did in the 90’s (you may friend each other on Facebook instead of exchanging home phone numbers), but finding someone who shares your values is just as important. 

And if you decide to try online dating later on, take it slow—one app, one conversation at a time, with plenty of honesty right at the beginning about what you want: companionship, not a hookup.

If you want to get to know someone better, tell them.

If someone catches your eye at a local event or if you’re really enjoying your conversation online, I want you to be brave enough to show a little interest. Flirting at this stage of life isn’t about being clever or performing; it’s about warmth. Ask questions. Let your curiosity show. Say, “I really enjoyed talking with you.” Smile, make eye contact. Give a genuine compliment. These small, honest gestures are more charming than any rehearsed lines. You’re not trying to impress—you’re inviting connection.

So for now, get to know yourself again. Date yourself first: take yourself out for a treat, explore new places, rediscover what makes you laugh. Treat yourself with the care you hope a future partner would show you. When you enjoy your own company and know your worth, the right kind of love tends to find its way toward you—naturally, gently, and in its own time.

Good luck!

Grace