BONUS! How do I keep my sex life going as the parent of a young child?

Dear Grace,

I married my hot husband 2 years ago. I have a 4-year-old son that is very active. I can’t make a move without my son being right next to me. My husband and I barely get any alone time together because of my son. I love my son, but I want time to be intimate!

How can I schedule some alone time with my hot husband?

– Unfortunately Abstinent in Arkansas

Hello again, Abstinent,

Last month, I answered your question about how to find the time and privacy to be intimate with your husband as the mom of a young child. It’s been a while since I had young kids (I’m a grandma now!), but I do remember this season of life. My advice to you and your husband was to get creative about when and where, help your son practice playing by himself so you can step away, and schedule regular moments of connection for you and your husband by booking activity time or playdates for your son.

I shared your question with thousands of women across the country, and so many moms can relate to the challenge of balancing your needs as a woman with the needs of your child. But don’t worry, moms from all over the U.S. have tips and tricks for how to take care of both! Here’s what they had to say:

• “For my husband and me, we don’t have the privilege of a babysitter as of yet. So we do it spontaneously! Whenever the moments present themselves, when we know we have that private moment. I call them quickies. They normally happen right after our little one falls asleep. Just enough time to connect and reset before she wakes up needing Mommy again.”
• “Do you have a real bestie who you can really trust? Your BFF can help out. Get your son to start spending alone time with Auntie BFF. Start with short periods of time with you nearby, then make the outings longer, the more encounters your son and Auntie BFF spend together. It works!”
• “I agree with Grace, start teaching your son how to be independent. Even go as far as teaching him certain boundaries for himself, maybe he needs to learn to like alone time. He will enjoy it, and it will help him understand that you do love him, but sometimes you need space.” 
• “I agree to scheduling a date night. Place on the calendar once a month. This creates anticipation and excitement for both of you. Get a babysitter, create ambience with candles, get sexy apparel, maybe restaurant reservations, or hotel reservations? Maybe this time of your life is less often but more special. Quality instead of quantity.”
• “I agree with Grace, schedule time. Book a date night once a week and ask the grandparents to watch your little one. Teach your son to knock before entering your room. Most parents have dealt with your situation. Don’t let this cause a problem in your marriage. I know if you both work, it can be hard. But as Grace said, sit with your husband and work on the issue together. It’s not just your problem to solve.“
• “Get creative! Here’s how: Make popcorn extra butter, gummy bears, cups with lids, a blanket fort, and put on a movie like The Wizard of Oz. Settle the kids on the floor, lay the blankets and pillows on the floor, put their trays and snacks individually in front of them. Then, in your most serious face, say to your husband, ‘The outlets in the bedroom are blown out.’ Let your husband grab his tools. Let him act surprised and say, ‘What? I’m so tired!’ You’ll say, ‘please, I need them to be fixed,’ and do a whole role play. Then both go upstairs to ‘fix the outlets’ while the kids watch the movie with their snacks. Bada-bing, bada-boom! Slam Bam, thank you, ma’am! Use your imagination.”
• “Grace gave great advice!  Try to sneak a few minutes when your son is playing with friends! We liked sneaking like that. It wasn’t long but was exciting! Keep your ideas flowing…you can be creative. We used to use the front seat of his truck!”
• “When I did have little ones, I had a calendar on my fridge, and when the girls did the choirs and other activities, I would schedule a time to spend with my husband! We would schedule both the intimacy part and the romantic part. We would start by making a romantic dinner for two with candles, then we would start a movie, then we would take it to the bedroom and finish the night with making sweet love.”

Every relationship is different, Abstinent. You and your (hot!) husband will have to find what works best for your unique work schedule and living situation. But moms all across America agree that it is important for you to prioritize your own needs as a mom—intimacy and romance included. We can’t show up for others unless our own cup is full. Whether that means a quickie with your husband in the shower, a date night once a month, or more alone time for yourself throughout the day, you deserve to fill your cup, too.

With love, 

Grace and the Readers