My son moved out, and now I’m a single empty nester. How do I adjust?
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Dear Grace,
My youngest just moved out on his own, and although I am very happy for him, I am saddened for myself. He and his sister are what I have lived for since their father and I went our separate ways. I don’t want to be saddened by him spreading his wings. What do I do? It’s difficult to get out and do things on my own or even just be home by myself.
– Lonely Empty Nester in Wisconsin
Dear Lonely,
First of all, congratulations on raising two wonderful children. The love, work, and time you’ve put into raising your children have made them into the wonderful people they are today. It’s okay to grieve the end of this chapter of motherhood while you celebrate it (happy tears!). But the next chapter could be just as meaningful, too!
You have gone through changes before, so you can do this.
What would your life look like if you saw this change as an exciting challenge rather than something to fear? Remind yourself that you have navigated big changes before and come away stronger for it—your transition into adulthood, when you became a mother, parting ways with your children’s father, and maybe even leaving your hometown and moving somewhere new. Being alone at home can be peaceful, and taking yourself out on the town alone can be empowering! In fact, this reader shared that she really wants to be alone, and hundreds of readers wrote in telling her that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your story isn’t over; it’s just beginning a new chapter that deserves just as much love, curiosity, and care.
Talk to other empty nesters.
Going from single parenting to an empty nest can feel a bit like whiplash, but you are not alone. Nearly 20% of all families are headed by a single mother, which means there are millions of women who raised their kids themselves before becoming empty nesters. You can see from this AARP article, where single moms share about their empty nest years, that some of them initially felt how you do now before finding their groove!
Find the fellow empty nesters in your community so you can talk with them about how to adjust to the new normal. You could try reaching out to parents of your children’s friends, introducing yourself to your neighbors, or joining a local women’s group at your library, church, or community center. Check out my advice for hosting a gathering of women in your neighborhood, building community, or making new friends when you’re nervous or out of practice. There’s nothing we can’t handle when we have a group of mom friends to support us through it!
Get to know the new you.
Being a mom is a huge part of who you are and how you have changed the world for the better. Now that your kids are happily out of the house, you finally have time to get to know the other parts of who you are. Give yourself permission to explore what brings you joy, even if it feels unfamiliar or small at first. Is there a recipe you’ve always wanted to try? Is there a hobby you’ve always been curious about, like gardening or crafting? Is there a movie you never got around to seeing? No matter the stage of parenting we’re at, other women in this community agree that it’s important to “get back to you.” Take a look at what they had to say about the challenge of finding themselves after giving motherhood their all.
Raising your kids after you and their father parted ways took work. I have no doubt that you had to go outside your comfort zone to give them the best life you could. Now, it’s time to be brave for yourself. Go see a movie by yourself, show up to an event at your local library solo, or take a crafting class in town alone! You deserve to enjoy your own company, build a community of women who understand what you’re going through, and find what brings you joy in this new chapter.
With love,
Grace
