Something is missing in my life. How do I figure out what it is?

Dear Grace,

I’m a 73-year-old wife, mother, grandmother, and entrepreneur that is looking for a change. I’ve developed my life by making other people happy and doing what everyone else wants.

My husband has a life outside of his job, me, my children, and my grandchildren. I feel left out because I want that too. Don’t get me wrong, I love my occupation, my husband, and family, but I feel like something is missing.

I still work, I walk three days a week for exercise, I do chores for the house, and I spend time with my family. I don’t really have any friends outside of my family. I feel like something is missing. Can you help?

– Grandma With Lots To Give, in Nassau

Dear Grandma With Lots To Give,

First, let me say this: good for you for waking up to this feeling! So many women spend their whole lives putting everyone else first and never stop to ask, “What about me?” You did. That takes guts—and wisdom that only comes with years of living. Let’s figure out how to take your life from “surviving” to “thriving.”

Pat yourself on the back.

You are not alone. So many women (especially those who have spent decades caring for others) get to a point where they realize something is missing. You’ve built a full, rich life. Give yourself a pat on the back for that! Now, you want more—not instead of what you have, but in addition to it. That is not selfish, it’s human! And much more common than you might think. It sounds like you need three things: friendships with other women, a new passion, and a sense of belonging to something bigger than yourself. The good news? All three are closer than you think.

Find a hobby that gets you out of the house.

Think about something you’ve always wanted to try but never had time for. Something that is just for you. A pottery class. A book club. A garden club. A line dancing class. It does not have to be fancy or expensive — it just has to get you around other people on a regular basis. Community centers, libraries, and local parks and recreation departments offer low-cost classes for adults of all ages. When you do the same thing with the same people week after week, friendships grow naturally, and you feel part of something bigger than yourself. You don’t have to force it. Just show up.

Volunteer for something that you are passionate about.

What breaks your heart? Hungry kids? Lonely seniors? Sick animals? There is a place in your town that needs exactly what you have to give. Volunteering not only helps build friendships, but you’ll also have a real impact on your community—you walk in as a stranger and leave with a sense of purpose and new friends who share your values. Try searching VolunteerMatch.org or calling your local United Way to find something close to home. Even two hours a week can change how you feel about your days.

You have spent 73 years showing up for the people you love. Now it’s time to show up for yourself, too. Small steps add up to big changes, and the first one is always the hardest. You’ve already taken it—you asked for help. It is never too late to make a new friend, discover a new passion, or feel like you belong somewhere. The world needs what you have to give—and so do you. You deserve a life that feels as full on the inside as it looks from the outside, Grandma With Lots To Give.

With love,

Grace