How do I get past being told to “act my age?”

Dear Grace,

I am constantly being judged because I am a mature woman who doesn’t want to “act my chronological age.” I feel physically well and fortunately look younger than I am. I try to tune people out and just focus on me, but after a while it gets to me a little. Any advice?

– Mature in Madison

Dear Mature,

Hats off to you for taking such good care of yourself!

I’m so sorry there are people in your life who feel the need to put you down for being your authentic, energetic self. But it is your life. You get to live it how you want to, and it sounds like yours is full of joy and spirit. But before the critics crush yours, here’s a few tips to not let it get to you:

Know that you’re in the right. There is no single way to act your age. Every day we see women shattering stereotypes of what it means to get older, whether it’s Diana Nyad swimming from Cuba to Florida at 64; Rita Moreno still singing and dancing at 92; or Carmen Dell’Orefice who, at 92, is the oldest working model. Sometimes it feels like society expects women to disappear or lose their personalities after a certain age and it’s so refreshing to hear from someone like you, who is tossing those expectations out the window. How we want to spend our time, the hobbies we pursue, and the clothes we wear are all personal choices, no matter our age. They won’t be the same for everyone, so have faith that your choices are right for you. 

Seek out people who share your interests. If you find that the friends in your age group aren’t getting you, maybe you’ll have better luck with people who share your interests and lifestyle. As you said, age is just a number, and you’ll find a more diverse group of people to socialize with if you focus on connecting with others who share your passions and hobbies. Look into volunteer opportunities, taking a new class, community theater, or joining a club for a sport you’ve always enjoyed. Meeting people from a range of age groups is a great way to broaden your horizons in new ways and meet some kindred spirits—not to mention show younger women what it looks like to age authentically! 

Remember that your feelings are valid. It sounds like you have a lot of self-confidence, which is wonderful. But no matter how thick our skin, hearing the same negative comments over and over can eventually get to us. It’s not a weakness to be vulnerable, and admitting when we’re hurt can help us to set a new boundary that keeps those kinds of comments at bay. You may even find that some of your friends can learn from your honesty and treat you with more kindness and understanding moving forward. (And who knows? You may get someone to go to a Zumba or spin class with you, too!)

While I’m sorry the insensitivity of others gave you a reason to write to me, I have to tell you how glad I am that you did. You really inspired me to move through the world with your energy and passion, regardless of the number of candles on my cake. 

With love and joy,

Grace