Sorry, WHAT? My aunt wants to put my toddler on a diet.
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Dear Grace,
My aunt keeps making jokes about my toddler’s chubby arms and says we should get her started on a diet, pronto. I admit, her comments are pissing me off. My daughter is so beautiful and perfect, just the way she is. It’s so hard being a parent and feeling like I’m constantly being criticized about what I’m doing wrong. But even more important, my aunt has struggled with anorexia in the past, and I don’t want her personal body issues to be part of how my child begins to see herself. I want her to be healthy, not obsessed with her weight. How do I talk to my family about being more body-positive?
– Mama Bear in Maine
Dear Mama Bear,
I want to squeeze that baby’s sweet chubby arms as I write this. What a wonderful time in life, to be so young and carefree, just enjoying life without any of the insecurities that we pick up as we get older. Protecting our babies is our job and raising girls to love themselves in a world that judges them for how they look is part of showing up for your daughter as a parent and a role model.
While considering nutritious options for our meals is smart, teaching kids to diet is not. Research shows that food restriction is dangerous and can do much more harm than good. Your aunt, unfortunately, is all too familiar with the issues that can arise, such as her battle with anorexia, when we develop unhealthy relationships with food.
Here are some suggestions:
Stick to the script. Any time she feels the need to talk about your baby’s size in a way that you feel is not okay, respond with something direct, but kind, like, “We listen to our bodies and eat when we’re hungry” or “We don’t say mean things to our bodies in this house.” You’re not making it about her, calling her out, or insulting her, you’re just stating a clear boundary. Since she has battled her own challenges for years, she may not even realize that her comments are hurtful. Remember that and treat her with kindness even as you hold a firm line.
Limit time with her. If auntie can’t understand get with the program, you can reduce the amount of time she spends around your child. Studies show that kids start to feel self conscious as young as three years old, so you’re right to be concerned. The influences your daughter has around matter. At this age, you get to decide what those influences are.
Trust your mom gut. You might worry that you’re being overly sensitive or unfair to your aunt. When in doubt, listen to that inner voice that’s waving a red flag. Your intuition is a good compass for what is right for you and your family and setting this boundary sets a healthy example for your daughter in the future. If you’re not sure, you can always have a conversation with your child’s pediatrician. But remember, no matter what anyone else thinks, this is your call.
Ultimately, you’re the mom, and you get to decide what is right for your children until they are old enough to do it for themselves. It sounds to me like you’re doing a great job protecting your little girl. Keep up the great work, Mama Bear
<3 Grace