How do I explain this election to my 12 year old?
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Dear Grace,
My daughter is 12 and this is the first election that she is able to sort of wrap her head around. I’m careful with how much I leave the news on at home since there is so much nastiness that I don’t want her exposed to. She loves her history class and is really excited to follow along with the election, but with all of the news about the conventions and nominations, I don’t feel like I have a clear enough grasp on things to explain them to her. She learned in school about elections and the presidents, but none of that really prepared her for how intense this year has turned out to be. How can I talk to her about the election in a way that explains all the news and nastiness without totally crushing her excitement for the process?
– Misinformed Mama, Michigan
Dear Misinformed Mama,
I think lots of us (parents and non-parents) can empathize with your struggle. We’ve been living in strange times for a few years now, but this year’s election is still months away and already had its fair share of historic shake ups. It’s great to hear that your daughter is so interested in civics and wants to pay attention—she’s the future!—and I have some advice to help you talk to her and preserve her enthusiasm through this crazy election season.
It’s okay to say “I don’t know.” We’re all doing a lot of googling these days, and with good reason! In the past few weeks, we’ve witnessed an attempted assassination, a candidate stepping down late into the presidential race, and a brand new nomination process to replace him. Even the most seasoned, in-the-know political people are taking a moment to figure out what all of this means for the choices we’ll each make in November. So when your daughter comes to you with her questions, don’t stress over having all the right answers. Instead, use it as a chance for you two to learn together. There are great resources for parents and teachers to talk about this year’s election, the voting process, and help kids like your daughter understand the news. Here are a few to get you started:
- This Week Junior is a kids’ newspaper with helpful coverage of current events.
- iCivics has election-related games you can play to level up your knowledge.
- PBS has a series of videos teaching kids about voting, elections, and why they matter.
By teaching her to do her research now, you’re preparing her to filter through the weird things she might hear from classmates or online. When she comes home telling you what so-and-so said at school about a candidate or their ideas, you two can sit down and investigate it together.
No smack talk. Regardless of your personal views or political opinions, the best way you can protect your daughter from the nastiness and division we’re seeing today is by not participating in it. When you talk about people you disagree with, focus your comments on their ideas instead of who they are. You know as well as I do that our kids are like sponges, and hearing parents speak disrespectfully about a person or group makes it more likely that they’ll absorb and repeat that same behavior.
Instead, when you run into mean political comments, take a moment to check in with your daughter. She’s going to be exposed to division, no matter what you do, so focus on preparing her to understand it. You might say something like, “It looks like this person is really upset, but it’s hard to understand their ideas when they’re being mean.” Teach her that it’s okay to disagree, but that finding solutions that work for everyone requires that we actually listen to each other.
Share your thoughts. The best education and example for your daughter when it comes to participating in a healthy democracy is yours. You don’t have to be over-the-top enthusiastic about this year’s election to set a good example. Be honest with your daughter about how you’re feeling and how unique this year has been so far. You could say something like, “This year’s election feels stressful since so much has happened that’s out of the ordinary.”
Voting is one of the most basic and most important ways we use our voices to tell our government what we need and what we value. Find time to talk to her about your decision and what’s behind your choice this year. Take her with you when you cast your ballot, or have her sit with you at home while you fill out an absentee ballot if you’d rather skip the lines on election day. If time allows, consider volunteering as a poll worker to get an inside look at how our democracy works and taking her along! Signing up is easy and some localities even pay you for your day’s work.
Showing up as a voter is a powerful example for how to show up as an American and underlines that, whether your candidate wins or loses, the important thing is using your voice to build a government that reflects all of us.
You’re absolutely right that this year has already been a rollercoaster, and we’re still a few months away from election day. But I hope my advice helps you remember that it’s not your job to know everything or filter out all of the challenging news, instead you two can take on this unique moment together. November will be here before you know it!
Grace