I’m in shock: pregnant at 50

Dear Grace,

I am in trouble and I don’t know what to do. A few weeks ago I discovered that I am pregnant at age 50. I thought I was going through menopause, it didn’t even occur to me that I could be pregnant! I saw my doctor and she told me that the pregnancy would be considered high risk. My husband is already struggling with some serious health issues of his own, and I know that it would be hard financially and emotionally for my family if I were to become a mom again now. My relationship with my adult children is wonderful and I have been looking forward to becoming a grandmother soon – not a mom again at this stage.  But at the same time, I adore children and never saw myself as someone who would have an abortion.  I’m in knots about this. What would you do?

– Shocked in Scranton

Dear Shocked, 

Talk about a curveball! I could feel my heart pounding just reading your story, so I can only imagine how you and your husband are feeling. 

This is not an easy decision, I hope you have people around ready to support and love you, whatever you decide. 

If I was in your shoes, I would be weighing those same factors–my health, my spouse’s health, the financial implications, and my own vision for my life. You’ve been a mom, so you know what that job entails. I’ve got three pieces of advice for you, the first is to take a moment to ask yourself a few questions:

• Would I feel prepared to be a new mom again? What kind of support do I have (financial, child care, emotional support)?
• Would I feel happy to be a new mom again? Can I see myself thriving, or just surviving?

The road has suddenly forked in front of you. There is no shame in asking yourself what you want now and following your gut here.

Second, make sure you know what your choices are. Unfortunately, this may not be a decision just between you and your doctor. Lots of states are passing laws that restrict your options in situations like this, so use this link to see what is going on in your state so you can plan effectively.

Finally, consider reaching out to support groups for older moms or women who’ve decided not to continue a pregnancy. You might be surprised by how many women have stood in your shoes and struggled with this same decision. Facebook is a good place to start. 

You’ve built a beautiful life and family together and you deserve to enjoy it. Sending you love and peace with whatever you choose. 

<3 Grace