I’m meeting my boyfriend’s family for the first time! How do I make a good impression?

Dear Grace,

I think I’m falling for this guy! He’s a regular at the diner I work at, and he asked me out a few months after I first met him. We’ve been on three dates, and he’s been SO SWEET to me. He took me on my first roller coaster! He’s such a gentleman and always holds doors open and picks up the bill. 

Anyway, he invited me to his cousin’s quinceañera, and I’m so excited because he is going to introduce me to his whole family. I feel like it’s getting more serious!

But I’ve never been to a quinceañera, and I don’t speak Spanish. He and his family are from the Dominican Republic, and I don’t know much about that culture. Any advice on what to wear or what to bring? I really like him, and he’s really close with his mom, so I really want her to like me. How do I make a good impression?

– Head over Heels in Houston

Dear Head over Heels in Houston,

A roller coaster on a date AND a quinceañera invitation? This man is not playing around! I have to be honest—I’ve never been to a quinceañera myself, so I did a little research before writing back to you. For those who don’t know, a quinceañera is a traditional coming-of-age celebration in Latin American and some Caribbean cultures on the young woman’s 15th birthday. What I found looks so joyful! You are in for a treat. And the fact that you’re already thinking about how to show up with care and respect? He is lucky to have you.

Here’s what I learned and what I think will help:

Do your homework first.

Spend a little time before the big day watching videos and reading about what a quinceañera is and what to expect. YouTube is a great place to start—search “quinceañera celebration,” and you’ll find plenty of real ones to get a feel for the traditions, the music, the dancing, and the joy. Then go straight to the source: ask your date! “What should I wear? Is there anything I should know? Should I bring a gift?” He will love that you asked. Nothing says “I really like you” quite like doing your homework on his family’s culture.

Put in the effort to show up right.

From what I found, quinceañeras are festive, dressy affairs, and a small gift for the quinceañera girl is a lovely touch. But please double-check with your date! I’m not an expert, and every family has slightly different traditions and expectations.

In addition to dressing appropriately and bringing a respectful gift, go the extra mile. Look up a phrase or two in Spanish to say to his mom, something like “nice to meet you” or “thank you for having me” in her language. You can be honest that you are not fluent, but you wanted to put in the effort to try. Learning even a little of his family’s language is a great way to show you care.

Be your wonderful self.

No matter the cultural differences, warmth and kindness shine through in any language. Be curious, ask respectful questions, and don’t be afraid to admit what you don’t know. “I’ve never been to a quinceañera—can you tell me about others your family has celebrated?” is not embarrassing, it’s honest and open-hearted. People love sharing the things they love with someone who genuinely wants to learn. His family is going to see exactly what he sees in you.

Now go enjoy every second of it. A man who takes you on roller coasters and introduces you to his whole family? Hold on tight—this ride sounds like a good one!

With love and hope,

Grace