May I be excused from the (kids) table?
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Dear Grace,
Every time we have a family get together, my sister expects me to spend all my free time babysitting for her because I don’t have any kids. My nephews are great, but it’s getting annoying to be built in child care and not get to enjoy myself or hang out with the adults. How do I tell her I’m not her on-call babysitter?
– Pinch-Hitter Sitter in Salisbury
Dear Pinch-Hitter,
It sounds to me like you’re a hot commodity at family functions – you remind me of my own favorite uncle who was always bombarded by me and my cousins as soon as he walked in the door. While it’s great that you have such a strong bond with your nephews, I also understand wanting to get some time away from the kids’ table and set fresh expectations with your sister.
Here’s what I’d recommend, dearest Pinch:
Develop a sense of humor about it: I’d say the first step to lightening your load is to drop any of the stories you might be telling yourself about why this is happening. For the sake of protecting your peace and your relationship with your sister, let’s assume her expectation of you is a happy accident that you get to fix.
Put your foot down: If you’re like me, even reading the words “put your foot down” can be enough to cause some fluttering in your chest, but standing up for yourself doesn’t mean stomping your feet or being the “bad guy.” Instead, tell your sister how you feel in a loving, but still honest way. Share that, while you love your nephews, you want to be able to spend your time as you choose and offer some ideas to keep the kids occupied. Easy, mess-free craft materials are always a hit, and card games (spoons, anyone) can give you all something to do together.
Make it about her: Remind her that family gatherings are a time when adults can spend quality time together, and that you’d like to spend more time with her, instead of playing make believe. Knowing that you miss your time together, she may feel less sensitive, and appreciate that you want to make the most of the time that the family all has together.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember: putting your foot down doesn’t have to cause your heart rate to go up. You’ve got this.
<3 Grace
